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Is this the worst music video ever?

May 14, 2020, 11:34 pm
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Good morning boys.. Got a cup of tea to hand? Good. Then settle down and peel back to your peepers Clockwork Orange-style to gawp at this total abomination of a pop video by Miss Tracy Shaw!
Not only does her tinny reworking of Lonnie Gordon’s triumphant 90s floorfiller Happenin’ All Over Again sound like the work of a particularly crafty devil, the video looks like it was sponsored by Poundland during Lockdown! In reality it was actually shot in 1997!
The only thing that we can think of that is actually far worse than this crap-cam video are those notorious pap pics of Tracy in a shopping trolley at the opening of a supermarket!
But we digress….. back to the video….

The post Is this the worst music video ever? appeared first on Guys Like U.

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The Eurovision has provided us with an anthem of hope to get through Coronavirus

May 7, 2020, 2:22 am
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As we’re fast beginning to realise, 202o is the year that never was. Due to the Coronavirus, big events have had to be scrapped while nations across the world try to squash the curve. One annual extravaganza to fallen foul of this dreaded virus was Eurovision, that was due to take place in Rotterdam over the weekend. But the show’s organisers weren’t going to let the weekend pass without giving Eurovision fans the chance to celebrate the songs that will now, sadly, be lost in time.

In a big TV special, dubbed Shine A Light, fans were treated to clips of every song taking part in this year’s contest plus the artists sending messages of goodwill. But the highlight of the entire two hour extravaganza was an incredibly emotional rendition of Katrina And The Waves’ 1997 UK winner Love Shine A Light that was performed by every single contestant. And it was breathtaking.

The optimistic collaboration pulled at the heartstrings and has now provided the weary world with a global anthem to give us hope during this tough time.  So come-on EBU / BBC or whoever looks after the Eurovision – this song HAS to be released.

The classic track was also given a orchestral make over that gave fans of the show another reason to shed tears! Who’d have thought a Eurovision track could be so emotional.

The post The Eurovision has provided us with an anthem of hope to get through Coronavirus appeared first on Guys Like U.

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“I hated myself and thought the world would be a better place without me in it’

May 18, 2020, 3:11 am
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In a frank interview radio presenter Matt Crabb looks back at the darkest times in his life and celebrates how far he has come.

We’re all familiar with that hackneyed old phrase ‘you have a face for radio’ when we josh about someone not exactly blessed with looks, but if there is one person that that rather mean comment does not apply to is actual radio presenter Matt Crabb. Just look at him! Handsome, isn’t he, the lucky blighter.

And yet while many of us may superficially believe that just because he’s a good looking fella he’s had it easy, think again. Matt’s life has – to use another irritatingly over-used phrase – been something of a rollercoaster ride that has seen him scale amazing highs and plunge to deep dark depths. Here, in an astonishingly frank interview, Matt, 27, opens up about his difficult childhood, how a broken heart and a destructive lifestyle led to him to think life wasn’t worth living and reveals how he managed to turn his life around and is now in a happier place.

First of all, Matt, tell us was life was like for you growing up?

My parents split up when I was very young. For a few years I lived with my mum but when I was 10, I moved in with my dad. My mum had a drinking problem and she couldn’t look after me or my sister anymore. It was tough, my mum loved us very much but she was battling her own demons. My grandparents looked after me a lot – they were Christians who had a very traditional way of life. My dad was and still is pretty old school, he managed a football team, worked in a steel factory for many years and was considered one of the lads.

It sounds as though you had a rather disruptive childhood. 

Yes, you could say that. When my sister and I went to live with my dad who had just got remarried, we moved to a very small village in the middle of nowhere. Luckily I was able to stay in the same school but it meant I had to go to work with my dad at the crack of dawn each day. I didn’t have any friends in the village so when I got home from school I spent most of my time alone in my room. Dad’s new wife made it very apparent that she wasn’t happy about me or my sister being around. But as my mum got better, I started to see her more and I am happy to say that we have a great relationship now. My dad has grown with me and we speak a few times a year but I don’t speak to my stepmother anymore.

When did you realise you were gay? 

I think I always knew. I remember being at junior prom and a girl called Natalie wanted to slow dance with me but I just couldn’t do it. When I got to middle school, my mates would print pictures of naked women and bring them in but I just wasn’t interested. By the time I got to year 7 (I think I was around 12), I started developing feelings for one of my classmates.

Oh dear, here we go….

I wanted to spend all my time with him. I had hit puberty so was sexually attracted to him. As time went I fancied other guys but I didn’t really know what being gay meant then.

Was being gay something you were initially unsure about?

As I said, my grandparents were very religious and my mother had a deeply homophobic boyfriend at the time who would say disgusting things about gay people he’d see on TV or mentioned in conversation. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t gay and that it was just a phase.

Who was the person you were most worried to open up to?

In all honesty, I was so scared to tell my whole family. No one else is gay in my family, and it was clear they didn’t approve. There was a storyline on Corrie about Todd and him struggling with his sexuality and my family said they thought it was disgusting that a storyline like this was allowed on TV.

So how did it go?

When I was 13, I told my teacher Mrs Robinson first. She was incredible, she said she knew and that if I needed to talk to her about anything then she would be there for me. I remember sneaking into her office and whispering it to her as I didn’t want anyone else to find out. She reassured me and made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

And then you told your family…

I remember telling my dad and stepmother one day after school. I was really unhappy at the time, hiding this big secret. I even had a boyfriend on the down low, my first boyfriend and I was so happy and yet my family knew nothing about him. He would come over to mine and I would go to his, but neither of our parents knew. Eventually, enough was enough and when one day they asked me  I what was wrong, I told them I was gay.

What was their reaction?

To be honest, I don’t really remember what happened after that. My dad, stepmother and sister left the house for a few hours and I called my mum to tell her. She was great and supportive. But it did change the relationship between me and my father and stepmother. It was never really mentioned and I spent a lot of time on my own. They had a child soon after and I felt like me and my sister were pushed out and made to feel like a problem. I was shouted at constantly for small things and I became very unhappy. When I was 15 I moved back in with my mum before leaving at 17.

Aside from all the disruption on your family, would you say you were a happy child? 

I was. I liked to be the centre of attention (obviously) my late grandfather documented me and my sister’s life on video, which still exists today! I was very geeky. I liked trains, planes and computers. I didn’t have a huge amount of friends, a handful maybe.  I was very social but not until my teens did I find a new group of friends who were more on my wavelength. When I moved out at 17, I started making gay friends and I don’t actually speak to many people from school anymore.

What was school like? 

I was bullied, but for being fat rather than being was gay. When I was 10, I was 14 stone, so was a very big kid. But, to be fair, my school was great and did everything they could to protect me. I was just on the cusp of online harassment, Bebo and MySpace had just started so people would write stuff about me online. In high school, the online gay bashing started. But it was a small area, everyone knew everyone and my dad was very well known. It was almost like you didn’t pick on ‘Crabby’s boy’ which was a relief. It turned around in the last few years and the bullying stopped and I had a fair amount of friends.

Was accepting your sexuality something you found easy to do?

I felt very ashamed for a long time  – I constantly tried to tell myself I wasn’t gay. It did all become too much but at that age I don’t think I knew what mental health problems were. I knew that my mum took medication to level her out but I don’t think I ever thought I would need them or see a psychiatrist.

When you were finally out did you embrace the gay scene?

Well, there wasn’t really a ‘scene’ where I lived. But when I was 17 I moved in with three other gay guys and that’s when I was exposed to gay culture and life. There was a gay night at the local pub but it wasn’t until I went to Bristol for a night out that I had my first experience with the scene. I’ll be honest, I was underage and drunk so I don’t really remember a huge amount. But I was the kind of guy who was more into dating than hooking up when I was young and wasn’t single for very long.

Did moving to London help you fulfil your needs to be gay?

Before moving to London, I had very little experience on the scene. I used to chat to guys on Gaydar and then Grindr became a thing but London was where I found my gay awakening. I was 19 when I moved there and I was nervous. I had never been down Old Compton Street before moving. But when I got there, my life changed pretty much overnight.

In what way?

I really made the scene my home. Two of my best friends moved to London shortly after me and we were out all of the time, every night, getting wasted and living what we thought were our best lives. I knew lots of people, the drag queens, barmen and venue owners, it felt like a family to me. I spent most of my time in Soho, but ventured into Clapham and East London from time to time. I was having the time of my life and I was working in the industry that I wanted and found the scene to be a match.

It sounds like a wild time.

It was, but I got into a huge amount of debt, drinking became the norm for me. I would be out all of the time and spending so much money on alcohol. Drugs also became part of my life. I would go to places like XXL and not emerge until the sun came up. I didn’t want to travel back to East London so I would stay in saunas but I would be so out of it. I was young, I was earning fairly good money and I was living the life that I thought I should be.

Was finding sex the goal?

Not really. I dated, but I could never find what I was looking for. Behind the drinking and going out all of the time was someone didn’t really know who they were or what they wanted. I’ll be honest, it was a case of hooking up and never committing but I met one guy in a club one night and everything changed.

And then you met someone special….

I was working on the radio station GaydarRadio at the time and was out at XXL when this guys came over and said hello. I immediately fell in love with him. He was tall, dark and handsome and had this gorgeous Scottish accent. We left and went back to mine and became inseparable. A few weeks he moved in with me. He didn’t work at the time so I looked after him financially.

And you ended up married him…

Yes, he was American. He had been in the UK for a couple of years but hadn’t been able to find work so had to leave. But I was so in love with him and didn’t want to lose him so I said that I would marry him so that we could stay together. We got married and filed for his right to remain in the country which was granted. I was so in love and thought I had married the man of my dreams. However, my friends and family didn’t like him very much so we got married in secret. I only told two people, who were witnesses at the wedding.

Was it a happy marriage?

To start with, yes, we were smitten. But as time went on he started hiding things from me. He said he would be looking for work but never got an interview. He then told me that he got a job doing massages. I was naive and didn’t think it would be anything sexual but I was wrong. He was very secretive and would hide things. By this point, I was already in a lot of debt and I couldn’t afford to look after both of us anymore so we moved to separate houses and his family helped him out with money. Then I got an STI.

You what?

I knew then that he had been with someone else. Everything went wrong, I had lost the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I had become very distant from my friends and family and I felt like my life was falling apart. I was heartbroken, I had never felt pain like it before and I tried to end my life.

What happened? 

I got very drunk one night and stepped in front of a bus. I don’t know how it missed me but I got away with just a scrape under my eye. I told everyone I fell off a bike but I really felt like I didn’t want to be alive anymore. I also planned to take an overdose but just couldn’t go through with it. That is when I started spiralling our of control.

In what way?

I would drink all of the time, it was so easy to hide it behind social gatherings and one for the road after work, it didn’t take over my life but I needed a drink every day. After I separated from my husband, I started hating everything about myself. I didn’t think I was good enough for anyone and that the world would be a better place without me in it. I was working for a TV channel at the time and also doing a show on Gaydio and it all became too much. I don’t think people at work or those listening to the radio would have known the turmoil that I was in, but I was so unhappy. I just didn’t want to be alive. Alcohol then turned to drugs and then I started being late for work.

Oh dear. Did people around you start noticing?

Yes. But then one day something just clicked and I woke up on a Wednesday afternoon, hammered and told myself that enough was enough and that I couldn’t allow myself to continue. I sought help from my doctor and explained what I was going through and why I had done the things that I had done and started taking antidepressants and had some counselling. Pretty quickly I turned things around and threw myself back into work and growing in my career.

How long did it take for you to feel better?

Mental health is still a daily battle for me. I’m back on antidepressants at the moment, there’s been a lot of changes in my life recently and I’ve found it hard to cope at times.

Things are looking good now?

After my ex husband I was with someone for a couple of years, which was also a very hard relationship, as he was very secretive and independent. In hindsight I don’t think I knew him. I never met his friends, I didn’t know much about his job. When we split, I decided to move to Manchester and met Nick who I’m with now.I am so, so happy and he’s amazing. We’ve had our ups and downs, of course, and we split for a while but are back together and I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier. He makes a better person and the best version of myself, he’s so supportive and he allows me to be me, we have a great life together. He’s the one, I know.

You’re a radio presenter and DJ – how did you get started and what is the dream?

I’ve always wanted to be a radio presenter. When I was young, I would sit in my room and record radio shows and pretend to be a presenter. At school I started a radio station and then when I left school at 16 I went to work for a local radio station in Somerset. I started in sales and progressed my way into a presenting and producing role. I’ve been at Gaydio for eight years in September. I genuinely love my job and what Gaydio does. We’re not just a radio station, we do a lot of outreach work, especially in Manchester and as well as doing a show and looking after our LGBT news output I get to work with incredible people from all walks of lives, help them to get into the industry through our volunteering program and projects we run. We’ve had some real success stories and I’m very proud of what we do at Gaydio.

Who were your role models growing up?

Scott Mills was a big one, I always wanted to be like him. He’s a fantastic radio presenter and super creative. My grandparents were also great role models, on both sides of the family.

How has this Covid-19 situation changed things or impacted on work?

As well as working at Gaydio, I’m a DJ in Manchester’s gay village and I’ve lost all my gigs. I really miss playing to a packed room of people and playing cheesy pop until the early hours. I’m no longer doing the breakfast show on Gaydio but I’m still doing bits and pieces but working from home.

How are you dealing with isolation?

Up and down. I’ve had really bad mental health weeks and my anxiety has been very bad at times. I’m so lucky to have my boyfriend Nick who has been incredible through it all. I’ve had time to focus on other projects and work on some things that I’ve been putting off for a while. I’m speaking to my friends more and me and Nick have tried to organise fun things to do with our friends over Zoom most weekends.

Has this experience been a scary time – so many people are losing their lives?   

I’ve taken a huge hit financially which has been tough but there are people who are a lot worse off. It’s put a lot of things in perspective for me and I’ve taken this time to learn new skills and think about the future. Spending so much time inside has made me realise the importance of making the most of the time with friends and family. I miss my friends and family so much, I definitely won’t take long weekends and spare time for granted again.

Do you think we will all come out of this changed people?

Something like this is bound to change people, I hope for positive change. For me, I’ll make more effort to spend time with my family and friends and reach out to them more

What would you say to your 12 year old self about the future?

Things aren’t always going to be easy. You are going to be confused about yourself, life and career and that’s fine because eventually you will be happy and proud of yourself. Take time to get to know your family more and be patient. Don’t put pressure on yourself constantly, sometimes you’ll make bad choices, sometimes they won’t be so good but it will work out in the end.

The post “I hated myself and thought the world would be a better place without me in it’ appeared first on Guys Like U.

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Which drag superstar is this?

May 21, 2020, 5:51 am
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Where do drag queens come from? Do they grow on trees? Do they go to drag school or do flamboyant fellas wake up of a morning with a faceful of slap? Who knows, but the spectacular Mary Mac – yes folks, that queen above is in fact the Irn Bru-swigging drag genius – has given us an insight as to how some queens are discovered!

In a social media post on Twitter today, Mary uploaded a clip from cult telly show Louie Spence’s Showbusiness in which a much younger version of herself – dressed like a young Supergran – is seen auditioning for a panel of judges that includes such illustrious talent spotters as Leslie Joseph (from Birds of A Feather) and the odious Mr Showbiz!

In the post she wrote: ‘Morning Campers! I’ve been trawling through the archives and thought I’d bring a #throwbackthursday from the very beginning of it all! The incredible Queen on the panel is Bette Rinse who brought me into the gay cabaret scene & I’ll be forever grateful! #FromTheArchives #babydrag.’

The show aired back in 2011 as Mary was starting out. Of course, over the past decade the fabulous Scottish superstar has gone on to become a drag legend in her own right, appearing regularly at some of the UK’s best loved gay venues, as well as treating holiday revellers to fun nights at Bar Soho in Lanzarote that she and her husband Brett owns.

Catch Mary’s Lockdown Live every Sunday on her official Facebook page. 

The post Which drag superstar is this? appeared first on Guys Like U.

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THIRSTY THURSDAY: Who the bejesus is this handsome NHS clapper? We reveal all!

May 21, 2020, 12:52 pm
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Who was the handsome opera singer on the BBC’s Clap For Our Heroes show? UPDATE: We reveal who the talented fella is!

Thursday. 8pm. It was time once again to get off our sofas and offer thanks to the NHS heroes who have been bravely looking after men and women suffering with Covid19. But little did we know that we’d be in for a little treat as we watched the BBC coverage of the great British public coming together to show their support.

As folks clanged their saucepans together or enthusiastically clapped their hands red raw, the Beeb cut to one young fella in Cardiff singing opera at his front door. And what a divine vision of support he was. Yes, it might sound a bit pervy, but in these pandemic times of madness, we need things like this dazzlingly talented young man to keep us all chipper.

Not only were his vocals worthy enough to see him in headline a west end show, the buff handsome chappy looked like he’d just stepped off a rugby pitch. Sadly, before we were able to commit him memory, he was gone in a flash, leaving us with just one question: WHO THE HELL IS THIS MAN?

UPDATE Well, we can now reveal that the fella in question is Trystan Griffiths a rugby loving member of the Welsh Opera Company whose booming vocals have been making the news of late. Speaking recently, he revealed that his wife – yes, boys, wife, with whom he has a gorgeous little girl –  persuaded him to entertain the street with his vocals.

“After returning from France, the clap for carers had started and my wife and neighbour persuaded me to give the street a song like some of the Italian people had been doing,” he said. “The following week I could see people on the street were hanging around like they were waiting for something after the clapping had finished so I started singing again.And basically it’s become a thing now every Thursday night! It’s the only singing I’ll be doing for a while now as all my singing contracts have been cancelled until at least September, unfortunately.”

The talented singer and devoted husband and father has spent the past couple of years performing shows across Europe and recording. So let’s keep our peepers peeled – we have a feeling we will see more of gorgeous Trystan!

Check out this link to see the dashing devil do his stuff at 4mins08 on iPlayer.

 

 

The post THIRSTY THURSDAY: Who the bejesus is this handsome NHS clapper? We reveal all! appeared first on Guys Like U.

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“I escaped the Manchester bombing unharmed, but the memories left me seeking help!”

May 22, 2020, 6:53 am
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Podcaster, teacher and rugby player Christian John has marked the anniversary of the tragic Manchester bombing with an online post paying tribute to the twenty two innocent people who lost their lives.

In a heartfelt Insta post he wrote: “3 years today we lost 22 innocent people. 22 lives that were taken so cruelly. It’s hard to forget the nightmare, but I hope they are still dancing, singing and cheering in heaven like we were during the @arianagrande concert together ❤️ One last time I want to be the one who takes you home ❤️ 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝❤️ #22bees#22beesformanchester #arianagrande#manchester #neverforget#neverforgotten #instagram

But his touching words are more than just a tribute to the victims of the terrorist attack, as the tragic events that took place at the MEN arena on the night of May 22 impacted greatly on Christian’s own life as he was leaving the arena when the explosion occurred.

Speaking to GuysLikeU recently, the handsome teacher recalled the horrific events of the night and the after effects it had on him. “My friend James and I decided we wanted to leave the gig before the last song so he could catch his train home. But when it got to the last song, he decided to stay with me and then I agreed I would drive him home,” he recalls.

“As we were just leaving the arena into the auditorium, the bomb went off. The sound of the explosion was terrifying and then cries of the people screaming in agony is one I will never forget.”

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In spite of his fear and confusion, Christian says that when he saw children wandering around alone and scared, his teaching instincts kicked in.

“I was lucky enough to walk away unhurt, but the things I saw and heard scared me and they left their mark on me,” he confides. “After the bomb went off, I saw lots of children separated from their families and my teacher instincts took over to help them. It took a long time to get home that night and I barely slept.”

Looking back, he believes his delay in leaving the venue may have saved his life. “If we had left early who knows what would have happened?” he admits. “The concert had also gone on slightly longer than was meant to so there could easily have been more casualties if it had run to schedule.

He adds: “The next day I went to work because I wanted the children to know I was OK and that I was being strong. However the memories of the night before crept up on me and by lunchtime I had a breakdown and was sent home.”

In spite of the shock he was suffering following the traumatic events, Christian felt it unnecessary to seek any after care and that time would heal the pain. “I knew there were so many people who had tragically lost their lives or had been left physically scarred by the attack,” he said. “so I felt that it was unnecessary for me to seek help even though the experience lingered with me.”

However, as weeks passed, Christian suffered from more flashbacks and crippling panic attacks. “A few weeks past and the same thing happened when I was out with friends and an Ariana song came on in the club,” he recalls. “All of a sudden I had a panic attack. Luckily my best friend was there to get me out and call my husband who came and picked me up.”

Concerned colleagues suggested that Christian open up about what he went through but admits he feels as he came away from the enrage unscathed he feels like he didn’t deserve any help. “My work invited councillors in to help me which was helpful, but to this day I still feel guilty for speaking to them or having these outbursts. I am fortunate to have a very understanding husband who helped me understand that what I was going through was completely normal considering the circumstances – I am not sure what I would be like If he hadn’t been there for me.”

He added: “My mate James was very strong and to this day still calls to see how I am and we go and visit the sight each year. We also then went to the One Love concert, which was a celebratory day I will never forget.”

These days, as well teaching kids in Manchester, Christian has launched an LGBT sport podcast called Ruck My Life, which has just been nominated for Podcast of the year. Vote for him HERE

Read Christian’s full interview HERE

The post “I escaped the Manchester bombing unharmed, but the memories left me seeking help!” appeared first on Guys Like U.

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Hunky star of & Juliet joins West End stars to back NHS mental health campaign

May 22, 2020, 9:40 am
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Stars of stage and screen have got together to make those of us experiencing depression or isolation during this weird time feel a little better. Talented performers from West End shows like & Juliet, soaps like Coronation Street and Holby and Michael Auger from Collabro have teamed up to put their own spin on Scott Alan’s You’re Not Alone.

The video clip, which is comprised of clips filmed from the stars’ homes, encourages people to visit the NHS Every Mind Matters website to find simple steps and advice on looking after their mental wellbeing.

The video is introduced by star of NBC drama This Is Us star Chrissy Metz and features  Greatest Shown beard-wearer Keala Settle, former Corrie stars Faye Brookes and Victoria Ekanoye, Holby City’s Amy Lennox, one time EastEnder Jonny Labey, Michael Auger from Collabro, Six star and 2019 Olivier nominee Maiya Quansah-Breed, Matt Bloyd from FOX’s The Four, former Wicked leading ladies Kerry Ellis, Louise Dearman and Alice Fearn and ‘&Juliet’s’ leading men, Oliver Tompsett and Jordan Luke Gage.

Also lending their voices to the heart rending track are Luke Bayer (Everybody’s Talking About Jamie), Tanya Edwards (Motown The Musical), Emma Lindars (Priscilla Queen of the Desert), Connor Carson (Saturday Night Fever), Jonathan Bentley (Mamma Mia) Rebecca Lisewski (Strictly Ballroom) and singers David Ribi, John Wilding, Cassie McIvor and Daniele Alan Carter.

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Greatest Showman’s Keala says she was thrilled to be invited to join such an illustrious cast. and hopes they encourage people to think about their mental health. “Being a part of this beautiful piece has been such a privilege and the most perfect reminder that we truly are not alone,” she says. “This song is here for those trying to make it to the next day, the next moment in these trying times…we are with you. Though we may be apart, we are standing beside you….and we love you.’

Meanwhile, Faye Brookes says it’s “so important that everyone looks after their mental wellbeing right now, I hope this beautiful video shares that message that no one is alone, we’re all in this together.”

Scott Alan, who wrote the song, says; “When Robbie Wilson approached me about using my song You’re Not Alone to benefit those suffering during these trying times, I was instantly onboard. As an individual who has suffered with clinical depression through most of my life, I have always been a huge advocate of mental health awareness. Having some of the best voices from the West End, Broadway and TV lending their talents to support this as a reminder of how important it is to continue reminding those suffering most that you are never truly alone.”

For more information on Every Mind Matters, and to get a Personalised ‘Mind Plan’ please visit: www.everymindmatters.co.uk.

 

The post Hunky star of & Juliet joins West End stars to back NHS mental health campaign appeared first on Guys Like U.

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Sophie Ellis-Bextor drops a shock bombshell!

May 23, 2020, 2:19 am
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Sophie Ellis Bextor has stunned devoted fans by revealing that next week’s Kitchen Disco will be the last. During her bonus After Party Live show, Sophie said that like Mary Poppins she only intended to put on her weekly shows until ‘the wind had changed’. Introducing the song A Spoonful Of Sugar she admitted that she felt the wind had indeed begun to change and that the tenth Kitchen Disco would be her last.

Which leaves the nation with one question – What the hell are we going to do on a Friday’s now?

While we think about it, we’re going to grab a Margherita and rewatch Kitchen Disco #9 and enjoy Sophie singing tracks from her overlooked album Make A Scene!

 

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Finally – Dynasty returns to Netflix after year long wait!!!!

May 23, 2020, 3:02 am
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With terrestrial TV proving so difficult to watch during this pandemic, the return of Dynasty to Netflix UK is the shining light you didn’t realise you’ve been missing.

This weekend, season three of the glossy soap dropped on Netflix UK, almost a year after the rest of the world got to see it. When Season two ended last summer, it was revealed that fans in the UK and various territories would no longer be able to watch the series unfold weekly (a night after it was screened in the US). Instead, they would have to wait a year and watch the series in one go – angering devoted fans.

But after the long wait, the show is back and it is certainly worth the wait. We would love to explain what you could expect from this new series, but you really need to have watched it from the start to get a good grasp of what’s going on because the plots are so twisty-turny, it’d be a headache to recap.

What you do need to know is THIS: While most people bang on about the torturously slow worthy dramas that appear on the streaming service, Dynasty for some reason still hasn’t had recognition it deserves. It’s campy, packed with drama and catfights and features a beautiful and incredibly diverse cast. Not only that, the script sizzles with delicious one liners and the performances from the glossy cast are simply out of this world.

The series is an utter joy to watch and it has yet to gain the devoted fan base it truly deserves. 

For those who know little about the show, it follows the lives of the scandalously wealthy Carrington family and their friends and enemies, who try to outwit each other with devilish deals and conniving cons. 

Although Blake Carrington – played by the dashing Grant Show – is the head of the household, it is sasstastic daughter Fallon – the sensational Elizabeth Gillies – and gay son-in-law Sammy Jo – the insanely handsome and brilliantly witty Rafael De La Fuente – who really take centre stage and drive the narrative, providing the show with its fair share of drama, one liners and laughs. 

But it’s not just the younger cast mates who burn up the screen – snoot-faced Nicolette Sheridan who plays Blake’s scheming ex wife Alexis was the best queen of mean on the box right until she sadly departed and was replaced by a brilliant Liz Gillies standing in for her until producers find a new Alexis.

Meanwhile, Alan Dale, who we brits know as Jim Robinson from Neighbours, is dryly hilarious as Anders the family butler and recently revealed  biological father of Steven Carrington.

Each episode is a hoot managing to deftly  juggle edge of seat drama with sharp witty dialogue. There’s even been an insane Wizard Of Oz dream sequence that has to be seen to be believed. 

Ratings have been healthy though not exceptional in the US but the series is set to film a fourth season once this pandemic madness is over.

But why are viewers seemingly so slow on the uptake? With so many worthy deeply dark dramas on Netflix getting so much coverage, Dynasty gets overlooked. And that’s a shame as it’s polished, campy, dramatic and occasionally packs an emotional punch. 

Don’t believe us? Well here are a handful of reasons why you HAVE to watch Dynasty! 

The sassy one liners are scorching hot. Get some mates around and play the shot game and swig one whenever Alexis or Fallon spit out a stinging barb

There amazing cat fights. Episode one has an amazing girl on girl brawl when Fallon and her stepmum to be have a pre wedding scrap. But wait until you see the almighty pool barney when Fallon and Alexis are reunited. It’s wicked! 

The episode when Alexis returns is sensational. After Steven and Sammy Jo’s genuinely emotional wedding ceremony and get jiggy, the mean queen makes a sensational entry!

The on off relationship of Fallon and Liam.

The insane casting of Liz Gillies as post surgery Alexis…

The sassy dialogue between Fallon and loony Adam – and Liam is hot.

The end of series one cliffhanger where the future of some of our favourite characters hangs in the balance as they are trapped in a burning building is just brilliant. 

The Wizard of Oz in season two dream sequence has to be seen to be believed….

The post Finally – Dynasty returns to Netflix after year long wait!!!! appeared first on Guys Like U.

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“When I came out, my parents told me not to come home – now they happily welcome my boyfriends’

May 26, 2020, 10:15 am
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PT and body builder Mark Wilson opens up about his harsh coming out experience and how he and his parents are back on track.

Be honest! If you saw Mark Wilson walk into a bar, looking like Thor’s hunkier brother, what would your first impression of him be? That this Clapham-based man mountain looks like he owns the world and has coasted through life without a single worry? That he is full of himself and wouldn’t have time for anyone around him? That he spends his whole life flexing his muscles in a mirror? Well, as it turns out, reassuringly, none of the above.

As many of us have come to realise over time, no matter how strong and tough we think someone looks on the outside, nobody is ever really as they seem and the delightfully charming 31 year old personal trainer and body builder is further proof of that. Strong, determined and dashingly handsome, the rock-hard hunk does indeed tick all the boxes that make the more self-critical among us feel pretty shitty about ourselves. 

But as the man with the mountainous physique and insane mantlepiece shoulders reveals in this frank and honest interview with GuysLikeU, the Mark we meet today is a man who has led a rather tumultuous rollercoaster ride of a life full of struggle, rejection and ultimate acceptance.

Here, he bravely opens up about his struggles coming out to his family, their heartbreaking initial reaction and how keeping his body in fine fettle helps keep his mind healthy!

First of all, Mark, tell us about where you grew up?

I grew up in a very traditional, conservative family in the Midlands. My dad ran a car dealership and we never wanted for anything. I got to go on lovely holidays and went to good schools.  As a young child I was confident and outgoing. My parents always tell me I was full of energy, chatty and bubbly. My mum often jokes that I used to ask could I go to bed, who on earth does that as a child?

Bless you! When did you start to think you might be gay? 

I knew deep down from a very young age that I liked guys, even though I didn’t really know what being gay meant at the time. I remember watching Baywatch when I was around five thinking the guys in it were really hot, but I just thought that everyone had those feelings at some point. So it wasn’t until I was maybe 13 or 14 when I realised I was a bit different. My mates were starting to go out with people and I realised that I didn’t want to go out with girls I wanted to be their friend!

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Yummy dinner at Abiers

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Was life at school easy for you during this time?

I went to an all boys private school, which I was incredibly lucky to go to, but there was a real heavy emphasis on sport and academia, neither of which I was strong at, at all. I was bullied from the age of about 12. I was called ‘Batty boy’ and ‘massive puff’  and it got so bad that I was terrified to go to school.

That’s terrible. How did you deal with it?

I would have panic attacks every morning, and there were only so many times I could fake being ill before I had to tell my mum what was going on. And so I did. The bullies were all punished but that just made everything worse. School was a struggle for me, I really didn’t have many friends and spent a lot of time on my own.

Was there a particular person you were most worried to tell? 

I was most scared about telling my dad. We had a pretty fractious relationship when I was growing up. I never felt particularly close with him. Also, both my parents unfortunately had a pretty negative attitude towards gay people so the idea of coming out even more terrifying.

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Swing fun #bibury

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Who was the first person you told?

I told my best girlfriend Jess when we were 17. We were dancing in a club and I told her in the middle of the dance floor. She just hugged me and told me she was so proud of me. She was clearly just waiting for me to tell her!

Aww, that’s so sweet. When did you tell your parents?

Not until I was nearly 21 and had already had a boyfriend for over a year. That helped me do that! I was living in London and told my mum on the phone. She hung up because she burst into tears out of shock. I called back and dad called me a ‘queer’.

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All ready for Jess' wedding ❤️👰😭🎶

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Wow, that’s harsh!

I was so horrified at their reaction that I drove home the next day. Dad kept calling me as I was driving telling me not to come home but I knew I had to try and sort it out with them somehow. It was pretty awful; my mum couldn’t understand how I could be gay and my brother was ‘normal’ after she brought us up the same way.

Tough words to hear!

We didn’t speak for a few months after; I think they needed time to come to terms with it. I really didn’t expect them to react the way they did. You would think after catching me dancing to the Spice Girls several times in the living room they would have cottoned on!

So how is it now? Did they come round?

They are both fantastic about everything now. It’s funny how time can change things. There are still things they can learn, but they’re lovely to all my friends and they’ve welcomed boyfriends with open arms. I think they secretly wished I liked girls.

That’s great to hear. But sometimes it takes the older generation a while to understand things that they are not used to. There’s no intention malice there.

Indeed. I think I managed to come out to my friends at just the right time. Just after I came out to my home friends, I got into drama school at LAMDA and moved to London. It was the most incredible time, especially after a challenging time at secondary school, being around like-minded people who were from such diverse backgrounds. I finally felt like I could be myself. Being in that environment really made me express myself and learn who I really was.

That’s great! Did you throw yourself into the scene in London?

Not really. Believe it or not, there were only a few other gay guys that I studied with at drama school so I really didn’t go out all that much I went to more house parties, so I didn’t experience the scene until I was in my late 20s.

And did you enjoy it when you finally stumbled upon it?

I loved it. Drag queens, amazing music, what’s not to like? When I had more gays friends later on, I definitely experienced the gay scene more. But i think it can be a very toxic and vapid experience, especially in London, if you get heavily involved. I surrounded myself with an amazing group of friends that don’t take themselves seriously at all and were just out to have some fun. My advice to people is to surround yourself with nice people who you can trust and the rest will fall into place.

Amen, Mark. Was looking for love been a priority?

It’s funny, when I was younger, I was always in a relationship. I would move on from one to another within a matter of weeks. But in the last few years I’ve enjoyed being single for much longer periods, and I’ve gotten to know myself better as a result.

That’s pretty healthy. So what do you look for in a guy – is it all about looks or do you see past that and look deeper?

Lots of people often look at me and make huge assumptions – but for me I look for two things; they need to make me laugh, and they need to be able to show their emotions. I find it really attractive when someone isn’t afraid to be vulnerable. So long as they’re into fitness, no matter what level, that’s important as it’s such a big part of my life.

Is settling down the dream? Is being with someone about sex, or is about commitment, companionship?

All the above! And I’d love to settle down, but I’m in no rush. I’ve learnt that it’s a marathon, not a race. If you’re with someone just to be with someone, that isn’t going to anyone any favours is it?

Do you believe in monogamy? Do you think any of us are capable of sticking to one person at a time? 

I definitely believe in monogamy, but I also believe that as long as you truly trust on another, every relationship should be able to have their own rules and boundaries. We’re all brought up being told we should marry someone and be with them for the rest of our lives no matter what. But I think if we weren’t told anything, and just chose to meet someone and be happy no matter what choices we make, there would be a lot more trust and openness and much less pressure.

You mention that fitness is very important to you. Have you always been body conscious? 

I think so. As I said, sport terrified me at school; I would do absolutely anything to get of it. So I discovered the gym from when I was about 16. I always went to the gym but never really knew what I was doing properly until I trained to be a PT, and then even more when I prepped to compete as a Bodybuilder the last few years.

What spurred you on? Were you happy with the way you looked?

I think as humans we’ll always find aspects of our body that we want to improve. But for me, as it’s my career, I feel like I should always present myself at a certain level to continue being a successful PT. I mean you wouldn’t go to a dentist with bad teeth, would you?

True. A lot of gay men use Instagram to boost their fragile  self-esteem? Do you think you have a healthy relationship with social media?  

I definitely have a bit of a love/hate relationship with social media. In some ways it can be fantastic; I pretty much use mine in a way to promote my business and my journey as a Bodybuilder and it’s really helped me recruit clients. I don’t really share my personal life on there as I like to keep that private.

You’re a very rare young guy!

What upsets me about social media is people using it to brag about their lives, how perfect their bodies are, and not really sharing for the greater good, more to make other people feel a bit rubbish about themselves, I find it all incredibly self-involved and I can see why it makes people feel so insecure. I often say to my friends when I see ridiculous posts “who cares!”. I’d recommend everyone do an Instagram cleanse; just get rid of anyone you follow that doesn’t make you feel good.

How has this Covid-19 situation changed things or impacted on work? 

At first it was absolutely terrifying! The thought of not being able to work or train properly massively impacted on my mental health, which I’m sure was the case for so many people. I’m so lucky to have such a loyal client base who I’ve been training online from home and it’s been fantastic. I love my job so much; making people feel better about themselves and hearing lovely feedback form them is the most rewarding thing ever. Seeing how fitness hasn’t only helped them achieve the body they want, but more importantly positively impacted their lives in every aspect, it’s incredible!

Has this experience been a scary time?  

I think at first it took a while to come to terms with the complete shift in routine I had. But the longer the lockdown has been going on for, the easier it’s been for sure. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my body isn’t the way it usually looks right now, and that’s ok. It was time to give myself a bit of a break, and I definitely will put less pressure on myself in the future to keep to a certain standard. I’ve always had this voice in my head saying ‘you need to work harder’ but having this time to relax and reflect has been really beneficial. I can’t wait to get back into prepping for my next competition but now I’m really happy with knowing that there’s absolutely no rush!

 

 

The post “When I came out, my parents told me not to come home – now they happily welcome my boyfriends’ appeared first on Guys Like U.

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“I’ll never have a six pack – nor do I want one! Bellies are SEXY!”

May 26, 2020, 4:23 pm
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The most wonderful thing about other people is that each and every one we come across or read about has lived a life like no-one else. Even though we may relate to various aspects of their lives, none of us have travelled the same path as them. And yet, discovering how these fellas navigate their way through our topsy turvey world is not only fascinating and eye-opening, it can be reassuring and inspiring. Which is why GuysLikeU – unlike so many other websites aimed at gay men – is so keen to share young men’s stories about their coming out experiences, their relationships, their struggles with mental health and so on.

Here, gorgeous Venezuelan copy writer Daniel Schutte shares his dramatic coming out story plus gushes about his love for men with bellies, why he loves with his ‘dad bod’  and the attention he gets on social media and explains how life in isolation has been affecting him and his husband. 

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Nothing like a thick knitted T-shirt for the summer 😌

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First of all, Dan, tell us about your family life…

Growing up in my family was bittersweet. I had – and still have – the most loving mother but she could be a tough cookie sometimes. She has that Bianca vibe, where she would tell you she loves you by throwing you into the water before knowing how to swim. It was tough love, but love nonetheless. My parents separated when I was two and I stayed with my mom.

That must have been tough. Did you see much of your dad after that?

My father moved to another city and after that he wasn’t really in the picture anymore. I’d visit him during the summer but other than that, radio silence the rest of the year. Looking back at those visits, it felt more like a military school. Very serious, very macho man. Which is funny, because if you ask me now if I wanna be in a room full of serious-looking macho men, I’d be like “SIGN ME UP”.

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…y que trasnochado.

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So was it just you and you mum?

No, I grew up in a full house, kind of like the 90s show. I lived with my mom, my younger brother, my grandma AND  four uncles. It was packed and testosterone was everywhere. My uncles were all ladies men and living in Latin America, being gay was a no go. I remember them joking one time about taking me and my brother to a brothel to become real men. Thankfully that never happened.

It must have been hard for you to grow up around such straight men when you were developing feelings for guys.

I always knew I wasn’t like my uncles, so I always felt out of place. I remember watching videos of Jerry Rivera [a very handsome salsa singer] and having a warm, tingly feeling in my body. But it was when I saw Ricky Martin that all my doubts flew out the door. I know what you’re thinking – a gay Latino that likes Ricky Martin, groundbreaking. But come on, Ricky in the 90s was the definition of eye candy. From that point on, I knew I liked men but I also knew that coming out wasn’t an option then. So I kept my mouth shut but my eyes very open.

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Last year was Malox, this year sex candy #DirtySanta

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Was keeping it secret hard?

When I was 14-15,  I slowly drifted toward the Internet. I couldn’t really afford to go out and meet people. Also I didn’t want to be seen out on the street hanging out with a bunch of gay kids. I was worried people would think I was gay and tell my mom. I just didn’t want all that. So I had one choice, the Internet. Chatrooms were a turning point for me. They provided me with an outlet to express what I was feeling inside.

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She's clearly not having it 🐶👸🏼

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What would you do?

I would log on every evening and would spend hours and hours chatting away.  The first time I had sex was with a guy I met on that chatroom. I started meeting people, but I wasn’t making actual friends in real life. But then I met one guy who invited me to hang out with his friends. The more I hung out with that group, I discovered that most of them had been thrown out of their homes for being gay or they had just fled for a better life. That made me feel even more unsure about coming out.

So how did you finally get around to coming out?

It’s a messy story. The first person I ever came out to was friend from high school. I told her that there was a guy I was chatting with and that I thought I liked him. But then Miss Thing told all her girlfriends that I was into guys. One of their moms heard about me who then called my mom and told her that my best male friend I had at the time was my secret boyfriend and I was ordered not to see him again. After that, I was just scared. Scared of what my mom thought about me and, of course, what my friends would think once they found out. As time passed I just compartmentalised my social life and my family interactions.

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I’m definitely a home of sexual.

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Did that work for you?

Keeping my friends and family separate resulted in me having secret boyfriends when I was 17. My first actual boyfriend was called Jose and he was pretty sweet, caring and  loyal. But I think I was a bit of an ass to him to be honest. One thing led to another and we broke up after a year, and then I ended up going on a date with one of his close friends ONE DAY after we broke up.

Ouch!

Yep! Word got around, as it always does, and he found out. Pissed off, he then decided to call my mom and tell her that her son was a flaming homo. For the next couple of years I had a rocky relationship with her. I even had a few therapy sessions to deal with it and there was a lot of crying.

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Paris, I’m slut!

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Did seeing someone  help?

It did. I got to understand my mom’s processing of my being gay. I already had years trying to understand my sexuality, but this was news for her. So I think the therapy sessions were more for her than for me. What I discovered was that my mom didn’t want me to go through any hardship, whether I liked men, women or anything in between. We eventually worked everything out and now she’s super close with my husband.

Wow, that’s great news.

The funny thing is, I don’t know why I was so scared of coming out to my mom, or to my family for that matter, because I was F R U I T Y when I was younger. I mean, I used to fangirl every time a song from Shakira came on the radio and I’d wrap a sweater around my hips and dance to Ojos Así. Even one of my friends’ mom used to call me Shakiro. I had a super level of fruitiness. But I guess all the homophobic comments from most of the people around me spiked my insecurities and that fruitiness dulled down.

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I did something y’all 🤓

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How did that fruitiness go down with the lads at school?

I wasn’t particularly bullied but I also did not quite fit in a particular group. I was like a hopper. I think my fear of coming out made me try to be a regular Joe kind of boy at school, I wanted to stand out as little as possible. There was a girl in school that helped me a lot to feel better about me. She was the outcast of the class. People used to call her the “emo girl”. We were really close, but then she ended up copying my entire research project in my last year of high school and I almost didn’t graduate because of her. So that was that. In general, though,

Was love finding love a priority for you?  

Growing up watching teenage movies, I always wanted to have that high school boyfriend fantasy. But I never had it. Nowadays, I just want to be with someone that makes me laugh. Don’t get me wrong, sex is important but my hole can only take so many beatings. But really, I’m pretty laid back, very homely, I like to go out to the club once every blue moon. I’m not high maintenance at all. I like a guy that can ground me a little. In terms of looks, he just has to look like a human with a penis. I don’t care about anything else in that department. If you have a penis and we can have a good laugh, we’re good. Luckily, I have already found an amazing guy. We’ve been married for almost five years now and we’re doing pretty good.

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Nothing like a thick knitted T-shirt for the summer 😌

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How long have you been with your husband?

We met in 2014, so six years! I was doing a summer course in the south of Germany with my ex. Yes, another ex. Drag me. We decided to a visit Cologne for a couple of days, because we had heard that the city was the San Fran of Germany. As you can expect, we had Grindr working overtime as soon as we got there. One of those nights we were bored at our hostel and this guy messaged me and invited us to have a beer at his place, which we all know that code for “we gonna fuck”. We ended hitting it off and I even stayed at his place for a couple of days at the end of my trip. After that, I went to the US but we kept in touch. If you would have told me then that I was going to marry him a year later, I would have laughed so hard. But we did.

Wow!

And a year later, there we were suited up, in front of a judge. I was so nervous, excited, sweaty but most of all I was sad. Not because I was getting married, but because none of my family or friends were there. I guess that is what happens when you decide to move to another continent. Still, he made me feel so loved – he still does. The one thing I’ll never forget is how he surprised me when he said his vows in Spanish – he is as German as it gets. But somehow he memorized the words and as soon as he started saying those vows I burst into tears. I also said to him ‘you asshole’ in front of everybody for making me cry uglier than Kim Kardashian.

 

 

It sounds so cute. A lot of gay couples have open relationships. Is monogamy something you abide by?

I don’t know what to think about monogamy. Some people use that word as virtue signaling and it’s just exhausting. I’m not saying that monogamy doesn’t exist, but it can be misused. And for nothing, because most gay men are hornballs. But also, you can be in a romantic relationship with more than one person and it is as valid as a monogamous couple. What’s important to me is that the person I’m with is loyal to our relationship and that isn’t necessarily on a sexual level. If you want to fuck the neighbor because he makes you queef, by all means, do. But if you wanna take him out on an actual date, in the words of Khia: Electric chair! But that is just what I think and what works for me. I’m sure that there are people that don’t mind that as well as there are those that go crazy if you look at someone else for a millisecond.

You’re a good looking guy. Have you felt a pressure to look a certain way?

I grew up feeling so ugly to be honest. I never did sports so I wasn’t particularly in shape and I used to hear a couple of comments about my big ears. My mom used to tell me I was a handsome boy, but I never believed her because the eyes of a mother can be as blind as a bat. When I entered my 20s, I started to go to the gym and men started to notice me more. The attention felt nice and if you wanna buy me a drink because you think I look good, who am I to tell you ‘no!’?

Guys fancying you must be a great ego boost.

I do think I have had a healthy amount of attention in my life. A little ego boost is necessary, at least I need it. But if you ask me now if I like the way I look, I’d have to say it depends on the day. Sometimes I feel like I look stupidly good and then some days I look in the mirror and think “who let Perez Hilton in the house?”. And it’s not that I feel pressured to look a certain way but I just wanna look as decent as I can without committing to a diet. So I basically train as much as I can to burn all the stuff I eat and not to be like those delusional muscle gays.

We think you have a great a bod. You describe it as a ‘dad bod’. do you think gay men are obsessed with the body beautiful?  

I honestly think there is something really sexy about a belly. I was going through IG this morning and saw this guy with the biggest ass and a supper flat tummy. Like, congratulations on the ass, but where’s the beef, Wendys?? That is not to say that I can’t appreciate a fit body. The guy I look up to the most in terms of gym inspo has a six pack, for example. But I don’t go around thinking I HAVE to look like him. It’s just not healthy and, in my case, unrealistic. I’ll never have a six pack nor do I want one! Do you know how much bread I would have to stop eating to get there? Life’s too short for that.

A lot of guys use social media as a way of boosting their ego. Do you have a good relationship with it?

I would be lying if I said I don’t like the attention. Who doesn’t want a bunch of people telling you that they find you attractive? But I also hate that people can take everything so serious on there. Take Twitter, for example. There, I try to stay away from serious topics because that’s not what I’m there for. If I want to talk about racism, Germany has enough of that as it is. So, I don’t want to bring that to the place where I just wanna look at memes and dicks. But I do have to acknowledge that social media can be a place to have productive conversations about those topics. Also, I have to acknowledge the privilege that allows me to avoid such topics there. So, I don’t want to take away from those people who start those conversations there.

What do you like most about your body? what do you not like about your body?

I particularly like my legs. They’re a little thick here and there. I like my shoulders too but only after shoulder day. Now, as for my back, I hate that bitch. It probably is because I can’t seem to develop a decent shape. But then again, that’s all relative, because I’ve had people tell me they like my back.

How has this Covid-19 situation changed things or impacted on work? Germany seems to have dealt wit it well. How are you dealing with isolation?

Luckily, I work for a company that works with newspapers, magazines, that kind of thing. So, our jobs are more or less secure. People want to know what’s happening and we deliver news. Because of the nature of the job, we are also able to pretty much work from every and as soon as the government started to issue warnings, the company sent everyone home. I’ve been working from home for the past two months and it’s been great. And now that stores have started to reopen, you can start to have a little of normalcy back.

What’s it been like being cooped up with your hubby?

I think I’ve never spent so much time with a person as I have been with my husband these past months. For the most part it’s been nice. We give each other enough space to avoid killing each other but we have had our moments tho. Sometimes the silliest things turn into these big arguments and it’s ridiculous to be honest. Once, we fought over a sourdough starter. You get the idea. I guess I’m lucky in that aspect too.

What have you learnt about yourself during this time. Do you think we will all come out of this changed people?

Before the pandemic, I spent most of my time at home or at the gym. So, the only thing that has changed is the fact that now I work out at home. Other than that, it has been pretty much the same. I’ve also had time to reflect on the falling outs I have had with people. More specifically one friend that I still care about a lot. When I decided to come to Germany, I didn’t do it alone. My best friend at that time, Viv, and I planned how we would come here and make better lives for ourselves. To this day, that has been the most important period in my life. I can honestly say that she, next to a very small number of people, has had a big influence in shaping the person I am today. Unfortunately, I let my ego get the best of that friendship and we ended up disappearing from each other’s lives. And now, having a lot of time on my hands, I look back at that moment when I told her that I didn’t want to be at her wedding and I really wish I’d handled things differently. I pride myself in cutting off toxic people from my life and I guess I never thought that I could also be toxic to people. I guess the only thing I could do is reach out to her and that is something I am working on right now.

What would you say to your 12 year old self about the future?

To my 12-year-old self I would say: You are about to enter a very challenging phase in your life. Be kind to your mom. Understand that every decision that she made, she did with you and your brother in mind. Also, TELL your mom you love her more often. She needs to hear that from her sons. Daniel, stop measuring your self-worth with the things you have or can’t have. Yes, your cousin might get more expensive gifts, but believe me when I tell you that those sacrifices your mom has made to keep you in school are priceless. Talk to your little brother more often, he wants an older brother and not a roommate. There will be a time when you two won’t be in each other’s lives and you will spend most days regretting you would have had more time with him. And finally, all those things your are feeling inside, they are not wrong. No matter how many times your aunt says nasty things about gay men. Stand up to her, push her buttons and be unapologetically proud.

 

The post “I’ll never have a six pack – nor do I want one! Bellies are SEXY!” appeared first on Guys Like U.

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“My first gay experience sort of horrified me so put it to the back of my mind!”

June 3, 2020, 10:35 am
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Over the past few years, more and more of us have begun to find it easier to address the mental health issues or addictions we are living with day in day out. But finally accepting that something is wrong is an important first step. More often than not, it is necessary to seek external help from a person trained in helping troubled folk through their toughest of times.

Meet, Nick Blackburn, a 37 year old psychotherapist from London who has been living in lockdown with his mother near Manchester. Like the rest of us, he too has endured his fair share of problems over the years that he has had to deal with and still has regular chats with his own counsellor. But then, he believes that a good therapist is one who has lived a life and who’s life isn’t perfect.

 “There’s a misunderstanding that therapists ought to have immaculate lives,” Nick tells GuysLikeU. “I think someone with varied life experiences is better than someone who sounds like a therapy app. A lot of therapists are very good and have had quite complicated lives.”

Here, Nick opens up about coming out, dealign with stressful times and how lockdown has impacted on his life. 

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Big Hair Don't Care

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When did you realise you were gay? 

Early on. I remember being on holiday and kind of walking around a lot, feeling like I was looking for something but not really knowing what it was, but I think that was about sex probably. I discovered gay porn on the internet when I was about 13 I think, but that always felt like a separate thing. But I think I really got the message when I was about 19, after the first year of university. It’s where I had my first gay experiences. 

What happened?

One time, a guy came to my room during Fresher’s week at university and we got drunk and I gave him oral and was then sort of horrified by that – sorry Jack, if you’re reading this, you were really hot.  I said to myself,  ‘Oh well that’s definitely not for me then’ and so didn’t do much else for about a year.

It sounds like you were trying to talk yourself out of being gay?

It wasn’t a very tempting offer at the time. I didn’t have much of a sense of what sex was. I wasn’t sure if it was all about anal sex and if it was, how much it was going to hurt. I had also started to think that any of the men I knew had very much experience giving love, so the idea that I could be loved by a man took a long time for me to really get to grips with.

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Yeeeeees, Hamilton round two ♥️

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Who was the person you were most worried to tell

I think it was my parents, not because I thought it was going to be a big problem. I think I thought they would be worried for me and that I was choosing a hard road for myself. If I’m going to be really honest I’m sure there was also an idea that it was a ‘no going back’ situation for me to tell them and would have been embarrassing to tell them later, ‘oh I’ve changed my mind actually’.

Who was the first person you told?

I told a close female friend, I think in a throwaway line over email when she’d asked me how I was. I think I probably wrote something like ‘oh you know, sad, bored, probably gay’. I’d been in love with her which may also have been a welcome distraction from the guys she was actually involved with so it might have been a bit of a slap in the face as well.

How did you family take it? 

I can’t remember if my dad ever said anything about it…I think I was told something like he’d said ‘oh I wish I could give him a hug’, but then my mum’s immediate reaction was ‘Really? Are you? I’ve always thought your father might be gay, or at least bisexual.’

Wow!

I don’t mean all of that to sound like a joke—-though it is quite funny in a way isn’t it—it was disturbing for me at the time I think, talking about sex in the family. I’d always been taught, as a child, to be afraid of adults where sex was concerned, like talking about it would be leading them on. There was Section 28 in schools at that time which meant all that was very muddled, as if there wasn’t a safe way for adults and children to talk about sex and sexuality. If my mum read this now, she’d probably say ‘It wasn’t like that at all! I didn’t say that!’ …and things do get confused, don’t they? Some of the things we think about sex are basically irrational—but this is why they need talking about! It’s really better the devil you know with these things.

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Hashtag evening edition

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We can imagine. How was life at school? 

I had a kind of role as kind of gay-adjacent but not sexual, and hating campness in a way that it’s obvious to me now that I was just hating my own gay-ness. I wonder if being non-binary might have been something I could have got into more if it had been more popularly talked about. I remember a party once where two bi guys were kind of fooling around kissing each other (the kind you’d see on Coronation Street before the watershed) in a bedroom and I was just sat there watching them for a bit and it was like I was completely invisible, like it wasn’t something that was on offer for me at all.

Some young people dealing with their sexuality tend to suffer from mental health issues. Did you?  

I think I was quite lonely as a teenager. I was quite sad at times coming back from nights out. I’d throw myself into work and school clubs and things. I was a very keen actor. It was probably good in a way that I got on with my A-Levels and saved having a big identity crisis until I was about 20. I think a lot of my 20s revolved around sex and internet dating and hookups and stuff…I was probably lucky this was a bit before Grindr or I might have got myself into deep water. I think the fact that I ‘passed’ as straight made things more complicated because I felt like a shit for being dishonest, whatever that means, whereas actually it made it harder for me to connect with people.

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Alexa, play "Forever Autumn"

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When you were finally out did you throw yourself into the scene?

Oh hugely. And yes, it was even better than I’d imagined: It was 2000 in Manchester and slap bang in the middle of a big economic boom so everyone had lots of money. There were still traces of 90s club culture so everyone seemed to be having a brilliant time. There were lots of bars and clubs and you could go out any night of the week. I loved it and thought all that would last forever. There was a big mix of people (more in terms of class than race as it seemed much whiter then then it does now), which I think was something drugs brought in. I wasn’t indulging in drugs but those around me were taking mainly ecstasy so things seemed a lot more social than they were 15 years down the line. We we were going out and dancing to those amazing Britney songs – it was just a wonderful time.  

Did you ever feel like you didn’t belong?  

I think I really felt like I did belong, and in the gay pubs in Cambridge too, where there were older queer men who really helped me see sexuality as something that’s just a part of lifeand working-class drag stuff and so on. It felt like family, which was very precious to me.

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Memories of A House #redroom #ptown #queer

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As an out gay man, was it love that you sought most ? 

I like this question a lot… I think I was a sexual being. I think I’d got the idea that love was this big demand that gets lumped onto you, or that grows in you until you can’t bear it and then other people find it a bit much. I do still have this feeling to an extent, though my boyfriend and I are very much in love.

That’s lovely to hear.

The first couple of guys I really fell for were not secure in themselves and were either not out to their parents or had other quibbles about sex. I think what I really craved, and still do really, is intimacy, feeling a really intimate connection, which can be a bit of a fantasy or like a drug sometimes, wanting everything to be really nought-to-sixty in two minutes and then detaching. There is something very precious about the sort of intimacy you can share with people you don’t know. You can get it in relationships too, but it’s harder to get right. You have to invest.

Did you experience any homophobia along the way?

I’m quite a big guy and I learned not to walk home drunk so have very little experience of real homophobic violence although I have had gay slurs thown at me after a pride.  However, I have friends who have been beaten up. One of the saddest experiences actually was when I went to see a GP at my local surgery about a free Hepatitis vaccination. I think he hadn’t had the right training so his line of stigmatising question made me feel ashamed.

Men tend to be terrible about opening up about mental health issues – have there been times in your own life when things have got too much for you?

I had a guy I was seeing at one point whose sister took her own life. We were both struggling to stay connected and the relationship was in trouble. I was feeling very disconnected and wasn’t able to write or have sex or do any of the creative things I enjoyed. I think we had both been quite depressed really which was understandable. I felt very lost and desperate and I had to take myself out of the situation. That really helped but was, I guess, quite a selfish thing to do which hurt my boyfriend a lot. Then I started training as a therapist and I experienced therapy for the first time which was pretty life-changing.

As a therapist, is it hard having to deal with so many people – is it hard to leave work behind.

I really love my work actually. It feels like the right thing for me to be doing. Having a lot of clients makes me better at it; it’s a bit like law in that respect, or doing surgery – you don’t want to be someone’s first time. I don’t think it is something you leave behind in a drawer in an office or something but also you’re working with people to work out what’s causing their problem and to make changes, so that’s actually not a bad thing to bring home now and again.

Why do you think men find it so hard to open up about their issues.

I think some of our dads were crap at really talking and our role models on TV weren’t very good at it either. I think men want to get on with things as much as possible in a world where there are a lot of pressures like education, work and debt. I’m all for pressing on when you can but it can lead to problems later if something important hasn’t been addressed.

Does your job ever make having relationships difficult because you are constantly analysing and questioning them? 

LOL! Yes and then your partner looks like you like you’re mental: my partner is very practical in some ways which I really like, but it’s got so we can joke about my wanting to talk about feelings. There’s a misunderstanding that therapists ought to have immaculate lives. I think someone with varied life experiences is better than someone who sounds like a therapy app. A lot of therapists are very good and have had quite complicated lives. Therapists are skilled at listening in a particular kind of way, and knowing what questions to ask; and holding their nerve.

 

What would you say to your 12 year old self about the future.   

I think I’d want to have a really in-depth conversation about Doctor Who or something and see where the conversation went. He’s as likely to surprise me as the other way around. I think we spend a lot of time wanting to tell our younger selves that it gets better and not enough saying we forget how to be like them and we regret that. Whereas we might want to say it’s going to be a bit of a slog at times and we could have done with more support. I’ve spent quite a lot of time talking to children I’ve tutored at different ages and they say the most amazing things if you let them. My life has been a process of finding the people who are able to talk about anything, rather that necessarily people who are held up as experts.

How are you coping during this strange covid-19 time? How are you dealing with isolation. 

It is a strange time. My own therapist was wondering earlier if I was missing touching people, and part of me feels a bit weird for not being really upset about that yet. I’m getting really into Westworld and I think part of me has gone to a very ‘nothing is real’ sort of place like I’m really a robot or something, rather than, say, being upset about not being able to hold my partner. I’m watching him on webcam brushing his teeth or making dinner and we say goodnight to each other which feels actually more intimate in a way that sometimes when we’re together—-these moments have become very special.

How has this affected work for you. Explain how this has impacted on you. 

It’s been strange taking my practice online, and a couple of my patients have struggled to find somewhere they feel they can speak freely, so they might have to call me from the car or at the end of the road or something, and that takes a bit of getting used to on both sides. Mind you I have a new patient who is nowhere near London so it’s opened things up too, and I have more time to see people and be flexible over money now I’m not commuting.

How are you seeing people deal with the situation. 

People are dealing with it in different ways. Some who have a gloomy view of the world, or who don’t like socialising or have struggled to structure their lives, have found this situation a good thing in some ways. But yes for others it’s really tough, and I don’t think we’re experiencing the worst of it yet.

What advice would you give people? 

I’ve noticed in some of the articles on GuysLikeU there is an instruction at the bottom to contact Samaritans, 111 or 999 if they’re in crisis. That is good advice of course: if something is on fire you want to put the fire out, not talk about it, and a therapist won’t always be able to text you back straightaway which is important in an emergency. But I personally am really, really up for talking about all of that stuff, about despair, and just helping someone figure out what it all means. Often when someone is feeling really desperate it’s because they’re getting overwhelmed by something. CBT is the dominant model of mental healthcare in the UK because it makes sense economically—and for some issues, focussing juston changing behaviour can be very helpful (stop that, do this). But when the instruction is something like ‘Stop hating yourself! Go for a walk!’ I think what’s missing it a real curiosity about where those feelings come from, and I think people have died because of that. A decent course of therapy costs about as much as a GymBox membership and I’m always happy to find a way to make things work for people who need help… So maybe try going for a walk first and maybe drink a glass of water and if you still feel rubbish after that give me or someone like me a call and we’ll start sorting it out.

For more information about what Nick does, check out his website southlondonpsych.com

 

 

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Shipwrecked star Kush: “One night this guy kissed me and suddenly everything made sense!”

May 28, 2020, 11:42 pm
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Shipwrecked star Kush opens up about coming out, first kisses and body image.

Anyone who watched the recent series of Shipwrecked will no doubt still be thinking about the parade of  impossibly beautiful young things who drifted onto our screens. There was insanely handsome Tom Wooton, who dazzled us with his Harry Judd-alike face, building skills and lack of interest of all forms of confrontation and gossip, Sean Lineker, whose stunning eyes captivated not just viewers but the show’s 6ft8 beefcake Chris and many more. But our favourite of the bunch was the dashingly handsome Kush Khanna, a London based singer who was not just pleasing on the eye, but became the heart of the show and bonded everyone during their spell in paradise. We hooked up with the 27 year old fella to chat about island politics, coming out to his parents and why his dreams of pop superstardom were thwarted by an X Factor hunk! 

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…👀

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We loved you on the show, you were most definitely our king of Shipwrecked. You seemed to be the glue that held everything together…

Because I am gay, I get on with girls and guys and am really sociable. I love getting to know people. And because of that I became the one that everyone would talk to. I’d do the cooking and cleaning too, so was very involved with everyone’s lives. I was a bit of a floater, and would chat with everyone and so when I went to the other island for example, people would notice when I wasn’t there and they’d be forced to talk to each other.

You and Tom got on like a house on fire. Gosh he was so hot.

Tom was like my little brother. He was a lovely guy but I don’t think he was onscreen as much as some because I think there were people with bigger stories. He hated gossiping but when you’re on an island with nothing much to do, that’s what you end up doing.

There were a lot of alpha men on the island – how did you cope with them?

I found it quite easy to get on with everyone if I’m honest, but there was a moment that was not on camera when I did feel a little bit insecure. There was this one guy whose name I’d rather not mention, who made a comment that really upset me. He said to Tom, “you need more guys on this island to help around” and I was standing there just thinking “hang on, I do a lot of building too”. So I piped up and said, “but I’m here” and he replied “I meant a real man”.  I was so upset and angry that I ran off  to the showers and broke down in tears. One of our execs, who was gay, came and asked why I was quiet and I said to him “get him off the island – he’s a fucking prick.” The producer was so good about the situation and went and tore a strip off him. But then this guy said, “I have lots of gay friends – I didn’t mean it like that!” But I was like, “Yeah, but your ignorance is all I need to know and this is what you clearly think about me.”

Was living with buff alpha guys easy?

I am this skinny goofy guy and that there are guys out there who are kinda ugly but have all these muscles and everyone is all over them saying ‘oh my god they are so gorgeous’, which is hard to deal with sometimes. Being Asian too has always made me feel like I was on the back foot. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s my experience. All the guys I have dated have said, ‘you’re the first asian guy I’ve ever fancied,” which is a complement in a way but at the same time, what does that mean?

From the look of it, you never seemed like you let insecurities bother you on the island.

Maintaining this positive energy was hard. When I was having a quiet day, people would notice and keep asking if I was okay. When Sean arrived on the island and hit it off with Chris, that really knocked me because there were three gay guys on the island and I felt like the ugly one. Even though a lot of people were showing me love, I couldn’t help but feel that I didn’t fancy anyone and no one fancied me.

That sounds sad…

Don’t get me wrong, Sean and Chris were so lovely and so giving to me, so my insecurities  were created by me. I would say to them “I am insecure but it’s nothing to do with you”. The funny thing is normally I am very confident. I can walk into a club and feel like I’m the sexiest one there. But then there are other times when I don’t feel like that. When I’d gone on the island I had been kind of messaging someone so when I was feeling confident, I reminded myself that I had a guy back home. But that confidence got shattered when nobody on the island fancied me.

Back in the real world, when did you suspect you were gay?

It was actually a really stressful time for me and this is why I think sex education at schools is so important. I was around 18 and I was madly in love with this girl. I remember I’d be grinding up against this girl but I couldn’t get hard. I was so worried, I started googling erectile dysfunction and even the porn I watched didn’t help. I never spoke to my family about it because they are very conservative. You wouldn’t even say the word boob! Sex was a mystery to me, I didn’t even know how to masturbate if I’m entirely honest. I didn’t know anything. I didn’t even speak to my mates about it. I was a bit like the lead character in Sex Education.

So when was your first experience with a guy?

I was out in Exeter one night and this guy said to me “what’s your situation” and asked if me if I was bisexual. I said I think I  might be gay but that I wasn’t sure. He asked me to come outside to talk about it and when I did he tried to kiss me but I pulled away. He said to me, “you’re clearly not gay if you won’t let me kiss you”, but I was nervous, I had only ever kissed one girl before. I was pretty much asexual, if I am honest. Yes, I fancied gals, or so I thought, but couldn’t be hard with them and I didn’t realise then that I was actually fancied boys.

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Bright eyed and bushy tailed

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Had you had feelings for boys by this stage?

Not exactly. I had been obsessed with guys who were my mates. I was surrounded by beautiful straight white friends and I really enjoyed their company but I think there was more to it. Then when I was about 21, I  got signed up by a band and then all thoughts of being gay were thrown out of the window because I thought girls can’t fancy a gay guy in a band. Then my friend Matt Lever came out as a gay at his boys school – I then realised I might be gay.

Did that make it easier for you to open up to people? 

So one new year, I told Matt that I thought I was gay and he said “about time” and we agreed that every Wednesday I would come up from Aylesbury to London and he would take me out. We used to go to GAY Late bar every week and one week I met a really beautiful boy who came up to me and said “I find you really attractive”. I was so scared as it was so new to me, but then he grabbed me, kissed me and for the first  time everything made sense for me. It sounds like a funny cute story but it’s quite mentally disturbing for a guy at 21 to finally realise that boys turned me on. That’s pretty late in the game. But I was like, “Oh my God, this is amazing”. I felt sexy for the first time.

So how did you tell your parents?

My mum had previously asked me if was gay and I had said, ‘No, no, no.’ Then, when I was around 23 and I had a secret boyfriend who was a banker, she asked me again. At this point, I was happy with this guy and he had a good job and we were pretty serious, so this time I told her I was gay and that I was in a relationship. She took a moment and went, “Okay! Good, you’ve told me now. You don’t need to worry. Just focus on you and be the best you can. Don’t worry about me.”

Aww, that’s nice.

Then she called me the next day and she said “Kush, I have been googling gay and there’s lots of stuff about sex parties – please say you’re not doing that are you?’ And I told her “no, of course not.”

How was your dad?

Well, I have never actually spoken to my dad about being gay, but I think he’s okay about it. We were up one night chatting to a cousin about her plans to go to uni and my dad said, “it’s irrelevant what the outer family think of you, just do what makes you happy because that is what is most important. Your family will always have your back.”. And I thought to myself, is this his subtle way of him telling me that he’s okay with me being gay? I still haven’t spoken to him about it properly, but when I did promo for the show I was really open about being gay.

Has there been a good reaction about your appearance on the show?

I have had some gorgeous messages from gay Asians, saying thank you for showing us in a good light. That means the world to me because people in the Asian world rarely talk about being gay.

Is that because of religious beliefs or something else?

My family are Hindu, but I’m not religious. However, Hinduism is quite an open religion. People just need education about being LGBT issues. There’s just been a documentary aired in India about a gay guy which my mum has watched and she said that it helped her understand more about what I was going through. There’s also an LGBT movie that’s opened over there which is about a lesbian couple. Things are getting better now and that makes me happy.

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Being nonchalant / extra

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Well, you seem very open and confident about being gay. 

What really helped me come out was that I was earning money and felt self sufficient. I told myself at the time, that if my family wanted to disown because of my sexuality, they could do so and I would still survive. Luckily they didn’t, but I felt that if something went wrong, I could still live my life independently and with no fear.

Do you find gay life easy?

Not really… I feel we have to adapt to the world around us. I did an acting piece recently with a bunch of gay guys of all colours and backgrounds. We all talked about our experiences and realised that every day we censor ourselves. I mean, there are some streets I might have to act a little more masculine on and act a bit differently. I don’t know why we have to adapt, but we feel that we do.

Do you ever feel left out of the gay community?

I don’t think I feel I’m part of a scene. I work at Barry’s Boot Camp and everyone who walks in looks like a chiselled god. There is one guy who goes there who I would say has an average face but an amazing body and every gay guy is all over him, while I’m just standing there showing off aspects of myself that might be attractive to some, but to avail.

Have you ever considered competing with the beefcakes and building up your body?

I had abs for the first few days of me being on the island. I had worked out at Barrys for the weeks before I flew out. Then when the show started we got so much hate about us all having amazing bodies but all I could think about was that I had never been described as having an amazing body before.

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Will you be my american boy? 🇺🇸🇺🇸

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Do you think Instagram is a damaging environment for guys?

Instagram is depressing. When I spoke to the so-called ‘perfect’ boys on the island I could tell they were so insecure and it was so sad for me to see. Some of the boys would put a T-shirt on to do their interviews because they didn’t like the way they looked. They’d say stuff like,  “I’ve lost so much weight”, “I’m too skinny”, or “I’ve lost my muscle” and I was like, have you not looked at yourself in the mirror – you look phenomenal!

Do you think they’re masking  something?

Most definitely. But I think if they spoke more about their feelings on Instagram they’d go a long way. It’s so sad. The boys would say to me, “I have my body and nothing else!” But everyone has more to themselves than that!

You’re a singer and you’ve just released a gorgeous video for a track called Beautiful…

I had so much fun making the video. It was shot on Oxford Street in it I am handing out notes to passersby telling them how beautiful they are. Their reactions are priceless. Everyone I know has shared it – it had 4k viewers in its first day. I wrote the track for Pride last year with the message #teachtheworldtosayIloveyou. I’ve had a really lovely response. I wanted to do a song that wasn’t about pimps or hoes.

Is it easy to break into music? 

Well, music is the thing I’m most comfortable doing and I don’t think there’s anyone else doing what I do, which makes it harder for me to break into because people will say “You’re Asian, do you do Indian music?” and I’ll say “No, I’m someone who does pop music who just happens to be brown”. I want to do a world tour, I have my outfits already planned. I would like to have an Olly from Years and Years kind of vibe.

You said you are in a band before.

Yes, I was and it was a brilliant but bittersweet experience as I had a tough time during it. Geri Halliwell and Simon Fuller had signed me up to be part of their supergroup along with a girl called Gemma and Sam Callahan, who went on to appear on The X Factor. It was great to start with. Geri was always so supportive and she would say that I had the most distinctive voice. We’d go around to Geri’s house every day and we even flew out to see Simon Fuller in LA. Me and Gemma were getting all the leads because Geri and Simon thought we had the most distinctive voices. But then I’d end up feeling insecure because they’d say “Gemma you’re the beautiful one” and ‘Sam, you’re the muscle guy that all the girls will fancy”  even though he couldn’t really sing. And then they’d say to me, “Kush, you’re the global one!” So I felt like I was the ugly good singer. But don’t get me wrong, Geri was so good to me.

How come we never heard about the band?

The band didn’t work out is because Sam quit the band because he wasn’t getting any vocals and then Simon decided to drop us.

Oh. So what’s next?

Well I’d like to try do in some presenting and i want to keep pursuing music. The future is looking good.

The post Shipwrecked star Kush: “One night this guy kissed me and suddenly everything made sense!” appeared first on Guys Like U.

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Simon Dunn: “Discrimination is not Grindr’s problem, it’s our community’s”

May 30, 2020, 5:11 am
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Simon Dunn says enough is enough and calls for our community to stop discriminating against each other…

As Grindr lauches its Kindr campaign in the hope to combat the rampant discrimination that occurs on its app, we as a community do what we so with most causes –  share posts, hashtags and then leave the work up to others and do the bare minimum. Then, a few months later, we’ll find ourselves in the same situation, do it all over again, and then ask ourselves why it feels as though no progress has been made.

Of course, we repeat the process because, simply and truthfully, we like to give the impression – if only online – that we care about our peers and community. This is all whilst we constantly divide, judge, and discriminate against these exact people, “our friends”. It’s not Grindr that has the problem, its our community.

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Depression, suicide, and drug addiction are alarmingly higher within the LGBT community. Perhaps it’s time to stop blaming others and start looking at and addressing the fundamental flaws within that contribute to these alarming figures. We can do better!

Log onto any app (not just Grindr), walk into any nightclub or bar, and discrimination is apparent. Apps are divided into sub groups with too many bios screaming “no fats, no fems, no Asians, no blacks”. Nightclubs market to sub groups too. For example, a man can’t wear heels to club if it’s a “men’s club”. Recently a group protested London Pride because they wanted the T taken out of LGBT. Why so much division? Why are we ourselves a minority making minorities not feel welcome?

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Drug addiction is believed to be as high as 20-30% amongst our peers. We glorify and almost encourage drug use. Then, when someone becomes addicted, we judge, joke about, and ridicule them. Yet, stats clearly show a large percentage of us are recreational, frequent, or occasional drugs users.

Studies have found that 21% of gay and bisexual men had used steroids at least once in their lives, compared to four percent of heterosexual men. We glorify perfect bodies and treat anyone without an ideal body as if they’re not worthy of our time.

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LGBT youth, with a much higher suicide and attempted suicide rate than their peers, struggle with not only acceptance from their loved ones but also learning to accept themselves. Those fortunate enough to survive adolescence find themselves in a community in which they immediately face the perils of acceptance again. When acceptance is something many have always yearned for. We can’t even give them that.

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We owe them more than this. We need to be the ones to welcome all walks of life to our little world because we’re the ones who have been outcast by mainstream society for many a year. We, like them, came looking for a community too, and rather than make one we did exactly what had happened too us: divide, judge, and discriminate. Perhaps, rather than simply sharing your support for these things, how about you adopt these attitudes into your everyday life.

As a white, gay man, I’m more than aware that the worst offenders are gay men just like me. We self glorify our image and take pride in a community in which we’ve elevated ourselves to the “top”.

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So, it’s this white gay man who’s calling on us all to make a difference. The cycle will continue to repeat until we actively stop habits that got us here. Our community has been so hell bent on fighting those fighting, judging, and discriminating against us that we’ve been blind to the fact that we’re mirroring those exact behaviors. The issue isn’t Grindr, it’s us. We must do better!

The post Simon Dunn: “Discrimination is not Grindr’s problem, it’s our community’s” appeared first on Guys Like U.

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‘I hope singing Tina Turner in the street is making people smile during this pandemic’

June 2, 2020, 1:33 pm
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Meet the gorgeous fella who has put a smile back on the faces on the Covid19-beaten nation

It feels like we’ve been in lockdown for years, as we mark off the days watching dull daytime telly and BoJo blithering away about going to work, staying at home  or going to work or whatever. But this week, the weary nation had a big glossy smile slapped across it face when a clip of the gloriously handsome Austyn Farrell  dancing in the street to Tina Turner’s Proud Mary was shown on The One Show. Of course, GuysLikeU are always on the pulse and had already got a chat in the bag with the professional dancer. Here, Austyn explains about how his street performances came about, his emotional coming out story and how he overcame a crippling depression. 

Austyn, we can see that you’ve been busy putting on some fantastic performances on Tik Tok and Insta. 

Surprisingly, I have been dealing with isolation really well. I have a nice little schedule I like to stick to which is keeping me going. As a people person, I like to try put smiles on peoples faces so I’ve been recreating Disney princesses, films such as White Chicks, Scary Movie and Bring It On and songs like Proud Mary by Tina Turner and 9 to 5 which Dolly Parton herself liked and commented on!

Wow that’s amazing.

I was such a fan girl after that! So Monday to Friday, I perform songs outside my house for my neighbours and post it on my Instagram. Check out @austyn_farrell on insta. The productions have been growing and growing, it’s getting ridiculous but it’s all fun. I enjoy it and it makes everyone laugh which is important at these times.

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D I S N E Y 🍭

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How has this Covid-19 situation impacted on work?

It has really impacted on my work. I had eight jobs lined up which have been cancelled with no cancellation fee. It got in the way of a couple of dreams for me as well – I was meant to be dancing in three major films over the summer and each of them have been postponed and I’m worried that I might be only be able do one of them when we can start working again. Money is fine for now but my balance is getting lower and lower, maybe from the amount of wine I’ve been buying. Being self employed has been pretty crap during this period but there’s many of us in the exact same boat so we all just have to ride the wave I guess.

Has this experience been a scary time – so many people are losing their lives.
The amount of deaths and the effect it has had on so many people around the world is very scary but I’ve tried to stay positive, happy and safe. The best thing we can do is stay home so there is no point worrying and letting my anxiety go mad.

What have you learnt about yourself during this time?
The main thing I have learnt during this time is to stop being such a workaholic. Before isolation I would work, think about work, go to bed early for work the next day and wouldn’t make time for social gatherings, family or even myself. I’ve also learnt from doing these lip sync recreations that I don’t have to showcase myself on social media as just a professional dancer – I can show my true personality a lot more and make people laugh. I always thought people didn’t want to see me dressing up as Moana, making a boat out of old wood and performing it in my front garden but some apparently do!

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Keep smiling kids ✌🏽

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Well we do. We love it! Do you think we will all come out of this changed people?

I would like to think we will. I would like to think people will come out of this more hygenic, more social and also a little bit happier. Who knows? People may smile at each other on the tube during rush hour because they are happy to see different faces once this is over. I feel we will be more grateful for the time we have with each other and make more memories.

Let’s talk about you… When did you first think you might gay?

I would say all my life. I think I’ve always kinda known I had attraction to men but I just didn’t think I would ever come out as gay. I always thought I would still end up marrying a woman. I would say when I was around thirteen, I knew I was fully attracted to men.

Did you worry about coming out?

Being gay wasn’t something I didn’t want to accept, I was more concerned about being accepted by my friends, family, school and people in the street. There was so much fear behind the acceptance of it.

Tell us about how you came out…. 

I was around 15. I had just started dance lessons in Leicestershire where I ended up dancing next to a guy who would end up being my first boyfriend.

Was it love at first sight?

I had butterflies speaking to him. We would secretly talk when ever we could. I remember even saving his number under a female’s name. It got to the point I knew I had take a breath and go for ‘the talk with my family’. I started with my mum one weekend.

Oh gosh, what happened?

I waited until she had been out and came home all merry. I  sat next to her and started shaking as I said the words ‘mum, I’m gay and I have a boyfriend’. She replied smiling, ‘I know, son’. The next day she came and gave me the biggest hug and said what would I like for breakfast like nothing had changed. I then received a call from my dad saying ‘would you like me to be honest, son. I’ve known since you were three years old when you were wearing your nan’s heels and it will never change how proud and how much I love you.’

Wow, what a moment.

That was the moment I felt empowered. To feel the love from my family meant the absolute world to me. I soon felt so strong and passionate about my sexuality that I basically came out screaming it from the hills, like I was in The Sound of Music!

Did anyone have a problem with it? 

Me and my brother actually had a little argument, not because of my sexuality, but because I had been so nervous to tell him. He was upset that he had heard I was gay from someone else and I hadn’t told him as a brother. I remember we both had a little cry on the phone. I remember feeling so much love from him when he said he would always look out for me and be proud of who I was.

How did the family dynamic change?

I can not explain how loving my family are and how much we support each other, if anything coming out brought us closer together. My mum asks approval for what she should wear out, my sister would always quote our favourite chick flick films, my brother would make me do his eyebrows and my dad, well he was constantly looking at me and saying “look at my beautiful, talented gay son, forever proud” which may I add he still says to this day lol. If anything I would say the dynamic changed for the better even though it was never bad.

Who was the person you were most worried to tell?

I would have to say my friends. I was 15 years old coming out at school. I was the captain of the football team and used to be part of the athletics team, so I was frightened in case they all wanted to distant themselves from me. I was so scared that I would be forced out of the football team because of my sexuality.

Yeah, we bet.

One nasty comment from someone at school can lead to so many other people saying the same kind thing. It could break you sometimes. Fortunately I was blessed to have so much support of school from friends and teachers. There were jokes during football games but it was just friendly young banter which we would laugh about. If I’m honest it really broke the ice in within the football scene.

When you were properly out did you throw yourself into the scene?

I DID AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT AND I STILL DO HA!! I remember being single at the time and just dancing the night away to Beyonce, Kylie, Lady Gaga, Madonna, all these amazing pop artists with my best friend. It was like what I’d seen on TV and films – the smoke machines, drag queens, glitter, pride colours and the absolute beautiful topless guys selling shots. It was so much more than I expected if I’m honest. I had only ever been to a few quiet bars before heading onto the scene.

Was it a world that you enjoyed or did you ever feel like you didn’t belong?

In all honestly it was probably the first time I felt like I did belong somewhere. I got to dance how ever I wanted, flirt with people, make new friends of the same sexuality. I loved it, some of them friends are my best friends still to this day!

That’s great to hear! Was love what you sought? Or were you more of a sexual being?
Mmmmm, this question… I had never known what true love one until my second boyfriend. If I didn’t see him for a few days my heart would ache. I would constantly be in awe of him. I remember when I was 17 thinking I wanted to marry him, move in with him. I was with him for three years and that love was so strong for all that time….until, that is, I found out he had cheated on me with half of the population. That was when I learned about heartbreak was as well.

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AND #summerofsteps we are out! It’s been great being on the road again with @officialsteps, we have absolutely had a great time with a lot of laughs! 🖤 Thank you @lisascottlee1 @fayetozersmith @princessclarabella @ianhwatkins @llatchfordevans for having us again. 🖤 Thank you @jessiejj___ @raywooldridge For putting up with our shit and not forgetting @frank_strachan 🖤 And of course thank you to my loves, last year and this year touring with you has just been something else, we have all had personal things that have popped up but we got each other through it #loyal ! So much love @__sarah_robinson__ @erindusek @leannehainsby @joehunt8 @rosssands And thank you @njc_creative For you fantastic full out routines! 🖤 Steve reeve absolute legend tour manger!! To all crew, lighting, sound, screens, catering, tour bus I thank you all ❤️ #summerofsteps #steps #love #tour #weout

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Have you experienced any homophobia?

I have, as recently as the start of 2020. I was on a date and was walking holding hands in the street when tall intimidating man came over to us asking ‘why do you gays parade around holding hands?’. Then he started throwing insults at us. Another time I was in a well known gay bar and someone started calling me a lot of nasty names, this did not got down well for him at all.

Men are terrible about opening up about mental health issues – have there been times in your life when things have got too much?

Too many men do struggling with mental health issues. I used to be one of them and it’s only been the past couple of years, I have been speaking openly about it. I was diagnosed with minor depression at the age of 14 for personal reasons. The depression would get quite bad sometimes. I would remove my self from events/birthdays as I would have anxiety about going. I’d be bed bound for long days with deep thoughts and I will admit there were a couple of times when I had horrible thoughts about not wanting to be alive anymore which where such low points in my life.

People will find this hard to believe as you are so perky?

Yes, I’m a big bubbly character, my friends know me as the class clown, the guy who’s always smiling and laughing and there would be so many times I would have to put a fake smile on and basically act. I’d pretend that everything was okay when it wasn’t just to try to show everyone nothing was wrong, I’ve even performed with major artists on live TV while I was at such a bad point in my life. It was so exhausting and I just wanted to cry all the time.

Have you found ways of coping with mental health issues?

For me the past couple years I have found different forms of exercise and meditations have helped so much. Yoga has really helped. Being told to breathe and stay grounded in classes has taught me to do the same in every day life when I feel a bit low. When doing other classes such as HIIT or classes I feel I walk out with such strength as I’ve pushed myself to be the best I can. I set my intentions as soon as I walk in the studio, I push my body and most importantly my mind. Also speaking openly has helped so much, whether it’s to a friend or speaking to a doctor. Letting my emotions out makes me feel like such a weight is lifted off my shoulders. I no longer feel like I’m carrying as much baggage around and or makes me feel I have to put on an act. I speak my truth and let it all out, take a nice deep breath and enjoy the rest of my day.

You’re a good looking lad… Have you ever been insecure about the way you looked?

Me? Good looking? Stop it, I’ll blush! I don’t think I’ve ever been 100% with the way I look. I think with the dance industry and social media, I tend to compare myself to other people who have a better body, whiter teeth, a better bum or more followers on social media platforms. As I teach spin/cycle classes as well I’m always around people with six packs, bulging arms and just all round beautiful bodies, so I instantly look and think I wish I had their body. I really wish I didn’t think like this, I wish I took it as inspiration instead of a comparison.

Do you think gay men are obsessed with the body beautiful ?

I think gay men are the same as every other gender. Some are OBSESSED with their bodies and some aren’t fussed at all.

A lot of gay men use instagram as a means to boost there self esteem – do you have a healthy relationship with social media?

I absolutely agree gay men can use instagram to boost their self-esteem which is fabulous for them. I am not that person. I didn’t always have a healthy relationship with instagram. Like I said I used to compare myself to people too much so after a clear out on who I was following, I started to find the right people to follow or aren’t so ‘perfect’ and inspire people through social media instead of uploaded to same topless picture in a different pair of briefs. My uploads on my @austyn_farrell instagram is mainly work uploads or at the moment in time it’s me dressed up as Disney characters.

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☀️ 📷 @jakejakus

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Do you believe in types?

I do believe in types to a certain extent. Looking back at previous boyfriends, I tend to go for tall guys with dark hair, athletic bodies. But then I have also dated and seen people who are completely the opposite of my regular ‘type’.

Are you single?

I am currently single. Love is an absolute goal for me. I’m 27 and have been single for nearly four years now. I would love to find Mr Right but recently I’ve been finding Mr Left, so hopefully soon the ‘perfect’ man will come along.

Is it easy being in a relationship? Is marriage the dream?

For me personally the hardest part is trust in a relationship. I’ve been cheated on plenty of times, which was obviously fantastic……..lol! I think with the right person who is loyal, bubbly, understanding of my work hours and is appreciative then yes I think being in a relationship could be easy – I just haven’t had that yet. Marriage is such a big dream for me. I would love to be married, have kids, a cute Labrador dog near the countryside with a outside fire, sipping chilled wine. Not that I have thought about it that much.

The gay community are varied – some are monogamous, others prefer to keep things more fluid. How does it work for you?

No, no, no, no! Biggggg no. If I’m in a relationship with someone then that’s how I want it to be. I haven’t ever understood when couples are open to have more people involved – but that’s just my opinion.

Gay life has changed considerably over the years – can you believe how hard gay men had it before?

It’s crazy to think that so many gay people went through so much just because of their sexuality. I can’t actually imagine how horrible it must have been for them back in the day. I couldn’t imagine being in their shoes but I am so thankful that so many people stood up for their rights and other people’s rights. Without these people taking a stand, things could still be so different to now days.

Do you think young people appreciate the development?

That’s a tough one. I feel that now days it’s very open to be who we are in so many ways which is absolutely brilliant. Young people  have grown up with drag queens performing all over their TVs and social media that they have grown up being inspired already. I do think some younger generation may not know or realise how much people fought for our rights back in the day but can probably still appreciate the development.

What would you say to your 12 year old self about the future.
I would say, Austyn be strong, be brave, be confident, be happy and most importantly be yourself. And don’t let anyone try to change who you are.

The post ‘I hope singing Tina Turner in the street is making people smile during this pandemic’ appeared first on Guys Like U.

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‘I was born addicted to heroin, suffered depression but have now finally turned my life around!’

June 7, 2020, 4:58 pm
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If you were to believe certain media outlets and bigoted politicians, all kids from broken homes or have grown up in foster care will amount to nothing in life. But as we all know, that simply isn’t true. Sure, there are lads and lasses out there who have endured the toughest of times that they think may scar them for life, but for many, it turns out that with the loving support of friends, family or carers as well as a lot of drive and determination, they can overcome those obstacles and emerge triumphant.

Meet gorgeous Paul Miller, 27. He may look like a sorted kind of guy, but that wasn’t always the case. Born premature to a heroin-addicted mum, he spent his first few months of life hooked to the drugs already in his system before being placed into care. As Paul got older, he developed anger issues, suffered depression and experienced suicidal thoughts which subsequently landed him in hot water at school. Thankfully, the support of one set of  foster parents during his teens eventually helped him see the light and turn his life around.

In this frank and brutally honest interview, Paul shares his memories about growing up in care, how he proved one of his doubting teachers wrong to become a success in business plus reveals how coming to terms with being gay early on in life meant that he is now happy to be living away from the ‘predatory’ London scene.

First of all Paul, tell us about your early life with your mum.  

My mother was born in 1958 in Springs (The Free state), South Africa. Her mother and father had endured quite a nasty split and so my mother was raised in a convent, then sent to England at 16 to try and rekindle her relationship with her parents who had both moved to the UK. Sadly, her father wanted nothing to do with her and her mother said she would have to sell her body to get money for her rent if she wanted to stay there.

What a horrid situation to be in.

She then met my stepfather Glynn, who is dad to both my older sisters Victoria and Siobhan and an older brother Simon who sadly died at birth.  My mother was a nurse for the NHS and fell ill one winter and became bedridden – this is when her life would started to take a down spiral…. My step-father Glynn said he would take care of her and get her medication from the pharmacy. However, unbeknownst to her, he was feeding her heroin. It turns out that Glynn suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and spent most of his adult life in and out of Wormwood Scrubs prison. Over time mum became addicted to the drug.

Good lord. It sounds like his mental health condition led him to being very destructive.

Yes, his behaviour was very unpredictable and we endured some tough times.

So what happened when you were born?

My mum had met my biological dad during one of Glynn’s prison stints and fell pregnant with me.  I was born two months before I was due via C-section and incubated for a period of six months. I was born not only addicted to heroin but also to methadone. When I was released from hospital I was put into foster care and went to stay with Midge and Tom. There was a fear initially that I would not make it but somehow I managed to pull through. Meanwhile, my mum told my dad that I had been sent to South Africa and adopted so he couldn’t get any info on me as she had put my step dad on my birth certificate.

How long were you with your foster parents?

I was in care from the age of six months to two years old, before being returned to my mum when she passed a urine test to prove she was drug free. I later discovered that the test had been taken by my sister. Eventually I ended up in care again from the age of eight for another ten years.

What was that like as an older child, being taken away from your mum?

The temporary carers I had when I went back into the care system at eight years old were absolutely horrendous and I endured the worst two years of my life.

Why, what happened?

I would have separate dinner times to them and their kids. I remember one of the meals served up to me was just plain couscous. They used to leave me in the house alone while they all went out when they thought I was asleep. There was a time I had my birthday cake pushed into my face and then my face forced into it, all because I cut myself a slice. No word of a lie, the foster mother was the devil reborn!

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Acting natural 🙄😂

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She sounds absolutely horrid! Were you able to seek help?

I became depressed and ended up on suicide watch and having to see a counsellor twice a week for depression. I was between eight and ten years old, it was horrific.

It sounds absolutely awful.

It was. But then the most wonderful lady called Jenny and her husband Keith came by to visit with the view of becoming my long-term foster carer. She could see what was going on where I was and urgently told social services that they had to get me out of there ASAP and would take me there and then. It was then when my life truly began and I started to become the person I am today. She saved my life.

Was life at the new foster home better?

It was the happiest I had ever been. Jenny even told me years later that I used to sing around the house with happiness. There is no amount of money I can give or do for them to show just how appreciative I am that they came into my life when they did! Hand on my heart, they kept me out of prison and most importantly they kept me alive!

They sound like angels.

They are the loveliest people you could ever meet in your life! So kind, so loving, so caring and so true to themselves – what parents should be! They have three of their own kids too; Melissa, who sadly passed away due to ongoing health issues, Matthew, their eldest who is the best big brother you could ask for, and a younger sister Mirielle. They immediately welcomed me into their family as one of their own. I had such a nice, warm, wanted feeling. It was such a healthy environment to grow up in!

Did you keep in touch with your birth mum?

I had regular supervised contact but I knew it was for the best that I was in foster care. Sadly, my mother passed away when I was eleven  When this happened I started to develop extreme anger issues and attended counselling sessions regularly. I also took up sports like rugby, taekwando, shot put and discus.

And your foster parents helped you through that rough time?

I cannot stress just how lucky I was to end up with the people I did. They helped shape and guide me through growing up and adolescence, loss, grief and many other things.  They provided me with so much love and attention.

How did all this impact on your life?

When I was with the first foster parents, I was deeply troubled. I was filled with hatred, depression and anger. When I went to stay with Jenny and Keith, things got better and I started to take control of these feelings. But I was still carrying around a lot of anger. There were a couple of incidents when I got into fights – but I always felt justified as the other people had started it in someway.

Were you popular with the other kids at school?

I was reasonably well behaved once I managed to control what was going on in my head and deal with situations in a different way. I found and used coping mechanisms that worked for me. Life at school was varied; sometimes good, sometimes bad. I was lucky that I was never bullied at school or felt isolated. I was not ‘popular’ as such but got on with everyone and have always been family built, lucky in that respect.

How were you academically?

I was actually pretty smart. I didn’t have a massive drive to pursue academia as I found it rather boring and unchallenging for the most part. I had a head of year called Mr Goode – he was a proper top guy who always believed in me and sang my praises and had my back in the school. But then there was an electronic technology teacher who definitely had it in for me, and took pleasure in telling me that I would fail my GCSEs and amount to nothing.

That must have pissed you off! Did you work harder to prove people wrong?

I wouldn’t say I worked harder, but I ended up being one of the head boys and graduated with twelve A*-C GCSE’s. I was in the top 2% of the school and top 10% of the district. I also managed to come third in a UK mental mathematics competition, losing to twins, who were  good friends of mine in school.

On top of all this, you realised you were gay.When did that happen?

When I was much younger, around nine, I had previously dabbled with friends, as you do, but I knew for sure I was gay when I was eleven. When I watched porn I realised that the guy in the videos was the one attracting my young little mind, not the woman. At the same time, me and met best mate ended up fooling around with each other like kids do.

Who was the first person you told?

My foster mother Jenny. She hugged me and told me that she already knew and had for some time and that she was glad I finally found the courage to tell her myself. Sadly, my mum passed away shortly before I came out but my older sisters were cool with it and said they weren’t surprised as they remembered that I used to parade about in my mother’s nighties and her underwear and heels.

With everything that was going on in your life, was there anyone you were nervous about opening up to?  

When I was eighteen I reconnected with my biological dad. He found me via Facebook. I was nervous about telling my dad I was gay, I just wasn’t sure how he would react, especially as we had only just formed a new bond by this time.  But he was grand with it and simply replied that I was his son and he will love me no matter what.

When you were properly out did you throw yourself on to the gay scene?

Not exactly… but I did dabble in clubbing and going to a few gay venues. I found it was a lot ‘camper’ and seedier than I had expected it to be at the naive age of 18. But I enjoyed it for the atmosphere in terms of knowing there was minimal risk of trouble and the drinks were cheap. I did find it a but seedy – guys would rub against you as they walked past, grope and grab you as if you were a piece of meat…. I know not all gay places are the same but in London it seemed very predatory. I wouldn’t say I didn’t feel I belonged, but I didn’t think it was what I thought it was going to be.

Rugby has played a big part in your life and helped you through the toughest of times, hasn’t it?

Rugby helped cope with the loss of my mum. I channelled my inner aggression and hurt and sadness into the game. I was lucky enough to be pretty good at rugby and ended up playing for my county before moving on to play regional level and played semi-pro. After some time out for injuries, I got to play overseas in the Swedish Premiership (their pro level – equivalent to semi-pro here) for a season. But as the season drew to a close, I ended up with sciatica and unable to play for three months due to how severe the pain was and the inability to stand up straight. After that I was a member of several LGBT+ teams as well as straight teams. My dream was to be able to put on the shirt for Ireland or South Africa and smash it up, but due to various injuries, that has remained a dream.

But at least you managed to achieve a lot in rugby. After your troubled beginnings you’ve gone on to launch your own company.

I helped set-up a community interest company in Kent, focusing on delivering employability programmes for young people aged 16-25 with a focus on sport and health and well-being. The company delivered the Get On Track programme on behalf of the Dame Kelly Holmes Trust. Due to relocation, I was forced to leave my role and I have gone on to launch a hospitality management consultancy in London, helping people to open venues, train staff, do stock takes as well as branding design, fit-out and project management to name a few. I have also set-up another community interest company that is currently developing life skills and employability programmes for young people aged 16-25 who were not in education, employment or training, this time with a focus on the hospitality industry.

You must be pleased that after people thought you’d amount nothing, you’ve achieved so much.

I am pleased with where I am in life in comparison to where many thought I would be. I have spent many years working my way up to directorship level and building an extensive network within the industry. However, I will continue to drive myself forward to always strive to better myself and my situation.

How is your mental health these days? Do you feel invincible? 

I wouldn’t say I felt invincible. I am only human after all! I still have moments of sadness and sometimes question life and its purpose, but then who doesn’t? Everyone has these moments for one reason or another, but right now I have a good support network around me and I feel as good mentally as I can, especially with the current situation for everyone. I also suffer from Aspergers and am Autistic. I have also been diagnosed with OCD, which thankfully I manage much better nowadays compared to years ago. Back then, I was known to line ashtrays with foil so they would not get dirty and order my console games alphabetically and by year, colour-code my wardrobe and chests of drawers.

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Bank Holiday vibes

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You look great… you’re a stickler for fitness, aren’t you?

Because of lock down I’ve recently rediscovered my love for fitness as I actually have the time to workout and not feel tired after a 14-18 hour day.  The lockdown situation forcing the rugby season to end early has been a real big push to me to get in shape ready for next season. I think it’s important to feel healthy within yourself but by no means do I think I have a good body… I am what they would call a ‘daddy’ or ‘bear’ so I have been told.

Have you always been happy about the day you look? Have you ever felt a pressure to look a certain way?

I haven’t felt completely content with the way I look since I was probably 18/19 when I was in prime fitness condition. I was slim, toned yet built. Let’s just say my love for food is showing right now. I haven’t ever really felt a pressure to look a certain way as such but I do feel there is a general consensus that you have to look a certain way within the gay community although, that now seems to be shifting to include other body types, which is a welcome change for all, I am sure.

What do you like most about your body?

Erm, I would say I like my smile and my legs. I think they are probably my two best features for sure! I am not currently a fan of my ‘dad bod’ so am working to eradicate this.

Do you think gay men are obsessed with the body beautiful?

I think a lot are, but not the majority. I feel there is far more insecurity and acceptance of others than many may think within the community in terms of looks.

A lot of gay men use Instagram as a means to boost their self-esteem – do you have a healthy relationship with social media?

I’d say I do, yes. I use Facebook and Instagram a lot, but I think I prefer Instagram there is a lot less drama, because it is all about pictures and not status updates.

 

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A night on the town

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When you were out on the scene, was love what you sought? Or were a you just a bit of shagger?

When I hit the scene I was looking to connect with others as friends, to be able to experience the London gay night life, enjoy the company and have a laugh. I have to admit I was more of a sexual being before I turned 18 to be honest. I think coming out at a young age and doing what I did, I developed through the ‘gay timeline’ quite quickly compared to some of my friends. By the time they were out and about, I’d been there and done it and was bored of it. I was looking for something serious more so.

The LGBT+ community is so varied – some are monogamous, others prefer to keep things more fluid. How does it work for you?

For me, if I am with a partner, I am with them, only them and no-one else. I couldn’t ever have an open relationship as for me it doesn’t fit me as a person nor my personality or how I am. But everyone is different and others are happily in an open relationship. I have friends who are and we get along, they live their life, I live mine. Everyone has their opinion and a long as it doesn’t interfere with my life personally who am I to pass judgement on them and their situation.

How has this Covid-19 situation impacted on you and your work? 

Covid-19 has changed the world as we know it, hugely affecting the UK economy and the industry that I work in. My businesses are both on hold due to the current situation. However, once lockdown starts to ease and we return to normal as much a possible I feel my community interest company can take off rather rapidly owing to what it focuses on and the fact that 99% of people would be our target audience owing to the fact everything will effectively be starting from scratch again. 

What have you learnt about yourself during this time?

That I can motivate myself and keep motivated more so than I thought or previously let myself believe. I’d say I have also learnt that I am not one for social isolation and time with just myself, I thrive on communicating with others, mingling etc etc.

Do you think we will all come out of this changed people?

I think yes, most definitely we will all come out as changed people, I think spending such a long period of time confined to one place and with yourself, you do learn a lot. You realise things you wouldn’t necessarily pick up on in every day life as it was before this pandemic took over.

Finally, what would you say to your 12 year old self about the future?  

Don’t listen to negativity. The only approval you need in life is your own. Dream, strive, believe, achieve, be the best you, you can be!

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Beyonce praises the global #BlackLivesMatters protests: “Real change has started with you!”

June 8, 2020, 3:43 am
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Over the past couple of weeks, young people have come together across the world to fight against racial injustice and discrimination, sparked by the vicious murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis.

Over the weekend, the streets of Washington, New York, London, Manchester and Bristol were filled with young people supporting the #BlackLivesMatter movement, protesting about the senseless racist murders of many black people at the hands of the authorities.

Now superstar Beyoncé has asked her fans to make their voices heard to bring about more change and has praised those who have already embarked on the fight. “We’re broken and we’re disgusted,” she said in a video posted on Instagram that was part of Barack and Michelle Obama’s YouTube ‘Dear Class of 2020’ virtual graduation ceremony. “We cannot normalise this pain. I’m not only speaking to people of color. If you’re white, black, brown and anything in between, I’m sure you feel hopeless by the racism going on in America right now.”

She continued: “Thank you for using your collective voice and letting the world know that black lives matter. The killings of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and so many others have left us all broken. It has left the entire country searching for answers. We’ve seen that our collective hearts, when put to positive action, could start the wheels of change. Real change has started with you, this new generation of high school and college graduates who we celebrate today.

“You are achieving things your parents and grandparents never could imagine for themselves. You are the answer to a generation of prayers,” she applauded.

The pop superstar added: “There have been too many times that we’ve seen these violent killings and no consequences. Yes, someone’s been charged, but justice is far from being achieved. No more senseless killings of human beings. No more seeing people of color as less than human. We can no longer look away. George is all of our family and humanity. He is our family because he is a fellow American.”

The global protests follow the death of George Floyd, who was killed by four policemen during his arrest in Minneapolis. The world was aghast when video footage showed four officers restraining Floyd on the ground with one officer, Derek Chauvin, pressing his knee on to Floyd’s neck for eight minutes and forty-six seconds in total. Chauvin has since been charged with third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter and was fired by the department along with three other officers.
Elsewhere in her address, Beyonce also discussed sexism in the music industry. “The entertainment business is still very sexist,” she said. “It’s still very male-dominated and as a woman, I did not see enough female role models given the opportunity to what I knew I had to do. To run my label and management company, to direct my films and produce my tours, that meant ownership—owning my masters, owning my art, owning my future and writing my own story. Not enough black women had a seat at the table. So I had to go and chop down that wood and build my own table. Then I had to invite the best there was to have a seat. That meant hiring women, men outsiders, underdogs, people that were overlook and waiting to be seen.”
Beyoncé ended her video by asking fans to visit a page on her website which includes links to several petitions. One of those is Change.org which has already received more than nine million signatures.

The post Beyonce praises the global #BlackLivesMatters protests: “Real change has started with you!” appeared first on Guys Like U.

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‘I wanted to tell my mum I was gay – but I couldn’t get the words out!’

June 10, 2020, 11:44 am
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Isn’t it funny how two small words can cause us so much angst? Take a moment and say them out loud: ‘I’m gay!’ Go on, louder! ‘I’m GAY!’

For those of us already out and proud, those words are merely a joyful affirmation of our great lives. But when we’re still stuck in the closet and oh-so-desperate to inform our nearest and dearest that we prefer boys to girls, finding the courage to say those two little words can totally stress us out. 

Why? Who knows? It just does, right?

Meet Luke Suri, 26, a Yorkshire based singer who is living the high life on the cruise ships around the world. Although he knew he was gay from an early age, the handsome lad kept his pesky penchant for peen to himself so that he could continue to fit in with his friends, family and neighbours. However, once he was working away, surrounded by all-singing-all-dancing like-minded folks, his mindset changed and he was able to happily enjoy his big gay life. However, when he returned home one Christmas, he was faced with the dilemma of whether or not he should tell his mum and step-dad about his secret life. 

Here, in an open and honest interview, Luke opens up about how he finally told his mother that he liked guys, how he dealt with severe heartbreak and how the current pandemic situation has helped him discover some important things he didn’t know about himself. 

First of all tell us about your family? 

I grew up in a split family, my parents were divorced when I was 18 months old, and trust me, knowing my parents as I know them now the divorce was most probably the most sensible thing they ever did. My dad ran pubs and mum had an office job, so me and my older brother would spend a week with mum and a week with dad. There was such a contrast between the households. Living in the pub was very social but also very independent. We entertained ourselves and did a lot growing up, and because dad worked most evenings we didn’t really have that family bond you get in a nine to five household. At mum’s we lived a very different life style. We would all eat dinner together at the table, watch TV together and pretty much have that “glorified Hollywood Movie” family life.

What were you like as a child?

I was definitely a very confident child, I would talk to anyone about anything, you just couldn’t shut me up.  but I also had a very sensitive side. I never liked being shouted at and I hated confrontation.

Sounds like you had two healthy but different family set ups. 

At the age of 10 my Dad told me he was going to move to Sri Lanka (with my step mum and sister) and I had to decide whether I wanted to stay in England with my Mum or move over 5000 miles away to Sri Lanka. For a 10 year old boy that was (and most probably still is) the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. Before this big decision the only thing I every really stressed about was what colour crayon I was going to use to colour something in with. Then all of a sudden I had to chose where I was going to live, grow up, be educated and as awful as it sounds which parent I loved the most.

What did you do?

I decided to move to Sri Lanka with my dad and we moved out there in the October of 2004, leaving my brother with mum.

Wow, big decision.

Looking back on it, I think one of the reasons I moved to Sri Lanka with my Dad was to see what that family life would be like when living and working in a pub was taken away. Turns out not much different, I suppose you can’t teach a old dog new tricks after all. Both of my Parents (and their now respective partners) have been very supportive of everything I do. I guess it’s every person’s dream to hear their parents say they are proud of them, and I’m lucky enough to hear them say it a lot.

What made you suspect?

I think I knew I was ‘different’ from an early age. In primary school I hung around with the girls – in fact all my friends were girls. I was always interested in singing and dancing and sport never appealed to me at all. I was the kid that would hate playing rounders in PE. I would have rather just skipped around the field all day singing away to myself. I wish I could tell you that I woke up on the 24th April 2006 and saw a naked man and thought “WOW this is what I want” but I can’t. I don’t think I ever realised I was gay – because deep down I always knew.

Were you ever resistant to being gay? 

Let’s put it this way, in my hearts of hearts, I knew I was gay. I just knew. It wasn’t until I was older that I began to understand what being gay really meant and how I was going to act on it. However when I had just come out at 19 if anyone asked me; ‘did I always know?’ I would have lied through my teeth and said ‘No’.

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V05 come at meehhh !!!

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Why is that?

I would say that, not because I was ashamed, it was because I wanted to protect some people, people who had stuck up for me for years, and to protect some ex girlfriends and their feelings.

Girlfriends?

Yes, I had girlfriends up until I was 18. In Sri Lanka, kids remain kids until they leave school, having girlfriends/boyfriends was frowned upon until you had finished your education. But that didn’t stop me from getting one of the most popular girls in the school! I was with her for just over a year before I moved back to England.

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Awkward………….

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What happened when you came home?

When I came ‘home’ I struggled to fit in to the British teenage way of life a little – I had to get a weekend job, I drank alcohol with friends at a house party on a Friday night, and I tried to get into pubs at the age of sixteen. It was a real culture shock – just as I thad been when I moved to Sri Lanka. But it was all new and exciting, but I felt like I was living in the shadow of my older popular brother who had stayed in England the entire time. I felt like I needed to try and fit in, so there were a few other women in my life for a while. And yes, although I’m not one to kiss and tell I’m also not shy to bang and brag so…..Yes I did the deed with those girls so I am unfortunately not a GOLD STAR GAY. But all the time deep down I always knew I liked guys.

Do you think you were worried about your folks?

My family wouldn’t have cared if I liked boys, girls, fruits or flowers and I was lucky enough to be apart of a few amateur dramatic societies when I was younger so was around kids that were going through what I was going through. It was a bit of a safe heaven – even though none of us every actually mentioned it or spoke about it. But coming out is still scary until you do it, right?

Yes indeed. Which is why we at GuysLikeU continue to share coming out stories. Who was the person you were most worried to tell and why

I was really worried to tell my best friend. She had stuck up for me on so many occasions when people thought I was gay and I feel that when I told her she would be disappointed that I let her defend me on numerous occasions knowing all along the occasional slurs or comments people made were true.

How did she take it?

After I told her, she did tell me that she had always known – apparently fighting with her over the prettiest dress for dress-up when I was five was a big indicator! But she told me that she had defended me because she was waiting for me to be the one to be open about the entire situation.

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🐍 🇦🇺

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That’s lovely. Who was the first person you told and how did they react?

If I’m honest, it wasn’t traumatic or difficult. I knew I liked boys from primary school and that I was a little different to the other boys. I stayed quiet because I wanted to fit in. It wasn’t until I moved away at 18 to work on a performance contract that I was able to reinvent myself and be the guy I wanted to be. It was easier because nobody knew me. But I still messed that up, claiming I was bisexual even though I knew I wasn’t ! I was gay simple as that.

A lot of gay guys do that!

Finally it all came out to the people I was working with and I felt normal! A weight off my shoulders. But I still had family and friends back home to tell. I kept it all quiet, until I went home for Christmas 2012, when I had just turned 19. I remember sat in the car at the Co-op with my stepdad, and was feeling a little upset about something that had happened with a boy while I was away. ‘Girl trouble?’ he asked me. ‘Not quite’ I replied, not making any eye-contact with him. ‘Boy trouble?’ he then said. I looked up and nodded. He wasn’t stupid, I think he had known ever since he came into the family but chose to turn a blind eye to it.

Wow! Nice.

Then he said, ‘Do you want me to tell your Mum or……..’ I told him I would do it and that night we went to the pub and turned to my mum and said that I had something to tell her. I just couldn’t get the words out. She looked at me and said: ‘Luke, if you going to tell me you’re gay, I’ve known ever since you about five playing dress up and wanted to go to ballet.’ I remember grinning from ear to ear and giving her the biggest hug. And that was it, no mention of it ever again! But I know she’s proud of who I am. And so am I!

That’s just so lovely. We have tears in our eyes. Some young people dealing with their sexuality tend to suffer from mental health issues. Did you? 

Most of my childhood and through school I was very happy person. I never really felt any stress of being gay before I came out nor after. I do feel my mental health has become more of an issue in the past few years, however I don’t feel that has anything to do with being gay. It’s more the stress of general life that gets to me. I’m 26 years old, I have a great job, but have no roots laid down at home. I make new friends every ten months and the previous cast members dwindle into you acquaintance pile. You come back home from a contract to find that your ‘home friends’ are in relationships, married or even have kids. I come home to living in my parents attic room just waiting to go away again. I do feel like this is something I really need to work on (being happier when Im home, but maybe that will come from having my own place and experiencing the freedom I get while working on a ship at home). It’s a lonely job in some aspects and after eight years of traveling the world and meeting so many different people think it gets to you.

When you were properly out did you throw yourself into the scene. Was it as you expected?

Not at all! I was actually quite reserved when I came out at 19, I don’t think I stepped into a gay bar until I was 21. Since then I have only been to a few. I once went to GAY in London and I hated the atmosphere. I felt like an utter piece of meat. I didn’t find it friendly. If anything, it was quite daunting. I was only young, so maybe I would enjoy It now bit more. I have never been to a Pride either! I know places such as Leeds, Liverpool and Manchester throw great pride celebrations but I have never been, something I would love to do in the near future if im not traveling the world.

Did you ever feel like you didn’t belong?

I don’t necessarily feel that I don’t belong in the gay scene. I just feel some aspects of it are not for me. You could never feel that some part of you doesn’t belong in a gay scene, because through all the bitchiness and catfights the community is welcoming and supportive, because we have to be. We went so long without being accepted but so many people, we would be absolute hypocrites if we didn’t accept somebody into our community because they don’t dress the same or look after their eyebrows as much as someone else. I could compare some of the things I don’t like about the gay scene and completely mirror it to things I don’t like about the straight scene. And it is all down to personal preference.

Has looking for love been a priority? 

This is actually something im dealing with at the moment – I don’t know whether its a mid 20’s melt down but I worry about being single for the rest of my life because I am so career driven that I want to achieve my ambitions and that is the main focus. I don’t really like the term ‘looking for love’. If you ever go looking for love you’ll never find it. Your entire life will be like a living Tinder hell, you’ll be so desperate to find someone, you will talk to them for a few days and then BAMM you’re left on ‘read. But sometimes along the way certain people pop into your life, and you both need to be on the same page, and at the same point in life where your priorities compliment each other. I’ve been in a few relationships where looking back I can clearly see we were at different stages of our lives. The right person will come along when you’re ready. As a single man I maybe sometimes be on the lookout for a little bit of fun but but have learnt to be careful getting feelings involved because that’s when you get hurt, Trust me.

What kind of boyfriend are you? 

I’m an absolute nightmare! I’m needy, not confident and need constant validation and affection. I will message you every single morning with a morning text and you will get a goodnight text every night too, but I expect it in return.

Jeepers!

I need to be shown that I’m loved as much as I love. Yes, it can be quite overwhelming, but I think it’s a confidence thing for me. I’ve been in relationships in the past where its been more one sided and it hurts. I’m beginning to learn that people love in different ways, some people don’t feel the need to be so affectionate all the time. However I’d like to think I’m loyal, if it’s you, it’s only you. Honesty is something that I like to pride myself on. If you piss me off – I’ll tell you and I expect that honesty and loyalty back in return.

What do you look for in a guy? 

Naturally to be with someone you have to be attracted to them, so yeah, I would say looks are a very important thing for me. However saying that – everyone’s conception of beauty is different. I know what I find attractive and that may be completely something different to someone else. Personality is a huge thing for me. It’s ok being good looking but if you’re about as fun as beige wallpaper there is no point it going anywhere with me. I look for someone I can connect with, someone who is independent enough to make their own decisions for them and us as a couple and someone who isn’t going to hurt me.

Do you believe in monogamy – do you think gay men – humans actually –  are capable of sticking to one person at a time?

I have spoke to a few of my friends about this, all who have different opinions on this. For me, if you are committing into a relationship with a person, it should be that person and that person only. I don’t know whether again that comes down to some of my past choices in men playing with my emotions and thoughts on the matter or because it’s a self confidence thing for me and feeling scared that a partner of mine might find someone else more attractive and so on. Of course humans are capable of sticking to one person at a time, if you really love them  and are genuinely happy in your relationship you wouldn’t act on being with someone else. As Johnny Depp once said ‘if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.’

Have you had many meaningful relationships?

I was with a partner for just shy of three years, I thought he was the one, and to be honest he was amazing. However my career was just taking off and being away from him was hard for the both of us, and one day I said to him that things didn’t feel the same anymore. It was a civil break up and the time we spent together will always be meaningful.

Have you had any destructive relationships?

I was seeing a guy on one of my contracts and although the relationship itself wasn’t destructive the break up broke me. I’d known him for about a year prior and what started out as a bit of fun to keep us both entertained on the ship which turned into something else. We were at each other’s side constantly for six months while we were on the ship. It sounds weird, but six months on a ship is like a year on land. You eat, sleep, work, socialise with the same people day in and day out, so when you find someone special they cling on to your heart a lot quicker because there is no escape).

Like Love Island.

Exactly. He was everything I looked for in a guy and after the contract we tried to keep it going but we were in completely different stages of our lives, he was exactly how I was when I broke up with my partner of three years. This break up killed me because nobody did anything wrong. But what hurt me the most was the feeling that he wasn’t as bothered as I was about the entire situation. Maybe I overthink things a lot and always look on the negatives, but I just didn’t understand why I cried myself to sleep every night and he just got on with his live so easily. I’d never really been the emotional type but when I hit 25 things started to get to me a little bit and I’m slowly working on the ‘subtle art of not giving a fuck’.

Do you think we search people out who we think will make us better people? 

Yea I agree, why would you want to be with someone who makes you a bad person? I personally think there is only so much we can learn about our selves. Having people in our lives that are going to better us is going to help us to grow as people. I recently met a friend who had a very positive outlook on life despite he himself going through a bit of a shit time, he taught me that I really need to find happiness in myself. I sometimes feel my outlook on my personal life can be quite negative, Im always putting myself down at the moment, I shudder at compliments and if you think I look nice I will most probably think you are being sarcastic. The way that he talks to me and tells me to look at the positives of my life and physical appearance is bettering me in the long run. I think I always walk away from most people learning something new about myself – sometimes good, sometimes bad.

You’re a handsome chap. do you think your looks have opened doors for you? or have men treated you like a slab of meat? 

Aw, thank you. I don’t think my looks have opened any doors for me at all. I do think my personality has though. I went to an audition about two years ago, went in sang my songs, did the dance portion of the audition and after the casting director came up to me and said that I was ‘very likeable’ which I feel is such a great thing to hear. Do men treat me like a slab of meat? Absolutely not. Men Treat me like a reduced lettuce at Aldi, don’t really want it but it’s there and ‘oh look its only 12p’. I know this is in my head but I always feel like someone’s second option. I’m like the side kick of the hero, and that is something that im working on about myself at the moment. If I feel like I’m someone’s second choice they clearly aren’t worth it.

Aww, don’t say that. Have you always been happy about the way you look? 

Oh gosh, no not at all, and I don’t think I’ll ever be 100 percent happy with the way I look. In the industry I’m in, looking a certain way is essential and I never feel like I’m big enough, muscley enough or even tall enough. I have problematic skin – I always get some giant spots on my face. I know I have an overbite on my teeth, my hair is big and bushy if I don’t put enough product in it to tame the beast. I do feel a lot of pressure to look a certain way, especially with the advances in social media.

You look amazing though. 

I see some of the most beautiful people on instagram and Tik Tok and anyone reading this you tell me that you’ve never looked at picture and thought, ‘oh I wish I had teeth like that’ or ‘wow I wish my nipples were straight and not a little wonky’. But that’s the beauty of social media, I can either be used as tool of motivation or get you down. I’ve recently started working out a lot more and I’m beginning to feel better in my skin, but I have to sometimes question who im doing it for. Is it for me or is it for the aesthetics that someone will one day look at me and thing ‘That man is definitely not a reduced lettuce in Aldi’.

Do you think gay men are obsessed with the body beautiful?

Absolutely! Gay men, women and even some straight men are obsessed with a beautiful body. However let me once again clarify that I do believe everyones metric of beauty is completely variable.

A lot of gay men use instagram as a means to boost there self esteem – do you have a healthy relationship with social media?  

I don’t really think I have the best relationship with social media, its a very competitive virtual world. I do look at the number of likes I have on a picture or how many views my videos have on YouTube. Being a self employed performer social media is part of my job. I use it to brand myself. And like your job, somedays I hate how it makes me feel and somedays I love it. But the obsession with how many likes or views a post gets is a negative.

But is it all bad?

However, looking at it from another angle, I wasn’t the best looking teenager-with my bushy hair, spotty skin and one big eyebrow. So when I came out of the closet and ‘found my wings ‘, I think I was more inclined to use social media as a means of boosting self-esteem because I used to look like the lovechild of Postman Pat and Aladdin. Social media allows allows us to share with the world pictures that we think we look good in and that is a positive for me too look at a picture I’ve taken and think I look nice enough in this snap to share with the world. Though I know how to work my angles and am actually a total catfish …..meow

What  do you like about your body?

Aghhh the dreaded question! Im beginning to appreciate the general aesthetic of my body now that I’ve finally pulled my finger out and got into a decent routine of working out. I’m actually also loving being blonde at the moment. My quarantine side project was either going blonde or trying to avoid a 2007 Britney melt down and shaving it all off! I like my teeth too, very lucky to have some natural pearly whites!

 

Tell us about your job on a cruise? 

So I’ve worked at sea for nearly five years now. I am a production cast singer in the shows onboard. Some of the shows really are West End quality. I currently work for  Norwegian Cruise Lines who have the theatrical rights for musicals such as SIX, Jersey boys, Priscilla Queen of the Desert and many more. So I get to work with some high calibre material. Along side all that, I also get to travel to so many countries and when the ship docks and the guests get off so do we! I am living the dream!

What’s life like on the open sea? 

I love it! It really is a lifestyle. You work hard but also get to play hard. My typical sea day starts usually with a rehearsal in the morning for the evening show. We will do a full tech run of the show with mics, sound and the band. Then after that lunch, an afternoon nap I try to squeeze the gym in before two shows in the evening. When the ship docks in port we all usually get off and go to the beach or explore the city we are in.

And the guys you’re with must be like family. 

Yes, they are your motivation, a shoulder to cry on and there for you whenever you need them at any point. One thing I struggle with coming home is that those friendships dwindle when you leave. You go from having someone at your side constantly for ten months and you come back to your life on land. The messages slow down, people become busy with other projects and that’s really hard for me because after eight years of constantly being away my home life has changed so much. I don’t really have many friends at home as I had before because they have moved on with their lives and many of them have married or have children so I find coming home lonely and when the friendships you’ve been so accustomed to start to dry up.

You heard about the Covid19 lockdown while you were sailing. What was your reaction?

I was sailing the Caribbean in January when the news of COVID 19 broke, and in a way for some reason, when you’re on a ship you feel invincible. I’ve sailed through hurricanes and storms and always felt safe, so when the news of the spreading of the virus, I never thought it would affect me in this way. I didn’t think it would take my job, my career, my life. I thought it would have been like the Ebola outbreak – I thought it would be controlled quickly and we would rarely hear of it again – how wrong was I?

How did the idea of lockdown effect you?

I was actually in the air when I heard that the UK was going into the lockdown. NCL had managed to get flights for some of the crew so I was on my way back to Manchester when Boris made the announcement. I was actually really shocked to see the lack of screening and virus prevention when I landed at Heathrow and Manchester.

Were there any cases on the ship? Was their general panic. Did the way people treated each other suddenly change. 

It was Friday the 13th of March, onboard the Norwegian Sun. The new guests had just boarded the vessel for their five day round trip to Mexico when the announcement came through from the captain telling all guests that the sailing wouldn’t be going ahead due to port restrictions because of the virus. All the  cruisers who had joined that day left the ship no more than two hours since joining. The ship was then left without any guests and only crew. Surprisingly we didn’t have an cases on the ship. There wasn’t any panic at all, we were well informed by our managers of the situation. We were then told that the casts would be flying home as soon as they could get flights for us. We waited about four days and still hadn’t heard anything, until one night the entire crew was told to return to their cabins, collect their belongs because the next day we would be transferring to another ship (I felt like I was on Americas next top model) The next day we were transferred to the Norwegian Epic where we waited for three days until our flights came though. Nobody acted any different at all, we just all had a lot more free time on our hands.

WOW! What a palaver! How did you feel about it? Scared? Relaxed? 

It didn’t really bother me, because we in theory were already quarantined. Nobody was getting off the ship and nobody was coming on. So we had no risk of coming into contact with the virus, unless it was already on the ship – but nobody had showed any signs or symptoms. I wanted to stay on the ship and not come home, I was fed three times a day. The crew bar was open still and the gym was open, it was practically a holiday. I was actually a bit gutted when my flights came through because I knew what I was coming home to. No pubs, gyms or Nandos. Oh and the weather was stunning so I could catch up on the ole tanning sessions.

 

Being a creative you must be frustrated couped up the way you are. What are you doing to keep busy? 

I really am struggling. I’m such an active and social person that I have struggled a little bit during lockdown. However I have been able to use this time to focus on myself for a change, something that I’ve never really had time to do. I am an avid over thinker and therefore when I have so much extra time on my hands I get myself into a self causing downward spiral. This time I’ve got to spend with myself I’m beginning to deal with some of these issues that I’ve never really had time to look at before.

How are you trying to deal with this?

I make sure that I set a routine for myself every day my alarm goes off at 8:30 every morning I couldn’t get breakfast, work out, work on something creative, downtime and maybe try to learn something new. I’ve actually just enrolled in a free open University course and creative writing-can you tell?

We’re also love your covers on YouTube. The Dance Monkey mash up is ace! 

I’m super proud of doing them. It is something that I’ve always wanted to do but again never had time to so being able to record this song, work on the editing and recording the video is something that has really kept me busy over the past few weeks. And it is so great to still be able to be so creative from the comfort of my own home. Trust me I am ready to get back on the stage at any point.

Has this experience been a scary time – so many people are losing their lives. 

It’s absolutely heartbreaking, and yes it is scary. Never in our lifetime would we think we will go through a pandemic like this. The entire world has stopped. And to be honest I don’t think it will ever go back to the way it was. There will be a “new normal”.

What have you learnt about yourself during this time?

This is a really good question. Like I said with so much free time on my hands I’m still learning so much about myself every day. One thing I’m struggling to learn about myself is that I really don’t like to be alone. My lifestyle is full of so many different people and when I get placed in a situation where those people disappear I do find it unbelievably lonely. All my life I have run away from my problems, I run away from confrontation, because I feel it’s easier to start afresh. But starting afresh every ten months isn’t healthy, especially knowing that after those 40 weeks I’m back at square one. So this time I’m trying to retain those connections I’ve made with people. it does work both ways but only I can control my side.

That’s great introspection.

I also have learnt that I have a lot of motivation that I didn’t realise I had. I’ve been so motivated every day to get up and do something creative and do something beneficial to my body, my health, my mind, and I hope this stays with me after lockdown ends. I should always be able to make time for myself because I’ve realised I put too much time into other people for little in return.

What would you say to your 12 year old self about the future.   

If I could go back in time I would first let my 12-year-old self know that 2020 is going to be a complete write-off, so don’t plan anything for that year.  I will tell myself to carry on dreaming about becoming a singer because one day it’s going to work out for you. I would also give little Luke a list of boys names to avoid and tell him ‘when you meet these people, smile and wave and for God’s sake boy keep it in your pants -because the heart break isn’t worth it!’ I might  also tell myself to look into shaping my eyebrows at an earlier age.

The post ‘I wanted to tell my mum I was gay – but I couldn’t get the words out!’ appeared first on Guys Like U.

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‘I turned to my girlfriend in bed and told her I was gay!’

June 11, 2020, 4:44 am
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Gorgeous landscaper Stefan Joyce opens up about stifling his sexuality for thirty years.

To look at the bronzed, muscle Adonis you see in these stunning pictures, you’d think that 34 year old gorgeous landscaper Stefan Joyce has lived the perfect life. But as they say, never judge a book by its cover. Behind his strong, confident exterior, athletic Stefan spent much of his life stifling his sexuality and continued to date women. However, when he was 31, he found himself plunged into a severe depression which subsequently led to him finally breaking down and telling his girlfriend of the time that he was gay.

Here, in an incredibly frank and emotional interview, Stefan opens up about living in the closet for thirty-three years, how his refusal to accept his sexuality caused havoc with his mind and how he is looking forward to a happy gay life.

Stefan, tell us about growing up…

I grew up in a small market town called Petersfield, in Hampshire. I have one older brother, no grandparents, no aunties, no uncles growing up so a very small family. I had a very colourful childhood involving an abusive alcoholic father who my lovely mother divorced when I was ten. I’ve not seen my father for six years and he doesn’t know I’m gay.

Did you have lots of girlfriends and straight mates? 

I’ve had two long term girlfriends and all the friends I had were straight before I came out.

When did you realise you were gay? Did you have moments early on when you thought that you might be gay?

I realised I was gay when I was around 30, shortly before coming out to my girlfriend at the time. I’d always put failed relationships with girls down to not meeting the right person. I genuinely considered the girl I came out to be my soulmate. Everything was perfect, but something just wasn’t right. We bought a home together but I just couldn’t see a future with her in that way. I’d had moments early on but, being very open minded, I’d put it down to curiosity and nothing more. I’d always feel shame after watching anything homoerotic and watching guys kiss made me feel very uncomfortable.

Why do you think previous relationships hadn’t worked?

My first relationship with a girl didn’t work because my family disliked her. Family approval is a huge thing for me when it comes to relationships. I was with her for four  years and deep down I knew she wasn’t right for me.

Tell us about your first gay experience? 

I had my first experience with a guy after I came out and he then became my first gay partner. I met him online and confided in him that I was gay before I actually came out. He was very supportive and we ended up having a great couple of years together. He taught me that my friends would have no problem with me coming out and they would not treat me any different. He was right

Was gay something you didn’t want to accept? 

No, I didn’t want to accept it. Why? Because it was a daunting to delve into the unknown. I knew nothing about the scene, I knew no gay people. The one gay person I knew lived in a different country. I felt incredibly isolated. It’s all still  new to me. I’m not long accepting of it as we speak. But, now I embrace it and I’m proud to be gay

Why did you not want to come to terms with it? 

Possibly because of the environment I grew up in. It was a massive step into the unknown. I was lost and felt compelled to stick to what I knew.

How was life at school – were you part of the cool crew? 

I was not part of the cool crew at all. I was a scrawny rebel and spent much of the time standing outside the headteachers office waiting for another lecture. I was always labelled an underachiever by teachers at school because they could see I was smart but I just didn’t care much for school at all. At 17 I started my own business and have never looked back.

Over time, you had girlfriends and then during your most recent relationship, your stifled feelings got the better of you and you plunged into a depression. 

Roughly six months before I came out to my girlfriend I came down with depression. I knew I was living a lie. And I knew people were going to get hurt when the truth came out. That’s what I found hardest to deal with. I’d rather be miserable than see other people miserable. But it got to a point where it was getting too much.

How bad did it get? 

It got pretty bad. I’d get blackout drunk on a regular basis. I developed insomnia. I’d never take heavy drugs but turned to valium to help with sleep. This turned into an addiction for which I sought help from the doctor. It was horrific but luckily I’m out of that hole now.

So how did you tackle the depression?

Last year, after three sleepless nights and a binge on alcohol I decided to reach out and get help. I rang the doctor and she arranged for me to come and see her. I sat in the waiting room, and was such a bag of nerves I was so close to just getting up and leaving. But I stayed. And it was that moment that changed my life. She sat me down and I talked through all that was happening in my life. She diagnosed me with depression and put me on Sertraline (an anti depressant), which I still take to this day. She also referred me to a counsellor which helped me massively come to terms with what I had been through not only recently, but throughout my whole life. It was that closure that really helped me deal with my depression. I still have the odd bout of depression here and there but nothing close to what it was. I can now honestly say I’m feeling the best I’ve ever felt. And it all came from a phonecall to the doctor. Always reach out and get help if you’re in a bad place. Life is too precious.

How did you find the courage to tell your girlfriend that you were gay?

It was completely unplanned. We were lying in bed and she asked how my depression was feeling. I just broke down and told her I was confused about my sexuality. We both cuddled and cried for most of the night.

Wow, how did she react?

She was heartbroken but amazingly understanding. She’s a secondary school teacher and set up an LGBTQ support group, the first teacher to do so, at her school. The first few months after coming out were really rough, but mainly because of me and my refusal to accept it myself and the coping mechanisms I was using, which was drinking, mainly.

How did you get over the tough times? 

My girlfriend acted as my rock during this coming out period. She really is an amazing human and I genuinely don’t know where I’d be without her. She was sat holding my hand when I came out to my Mum and brother. We’re now closer than ever.

How was telling your folks?

My mum was the hardest. Her first words were ‘you’re not’ followed by ‘you might not be’.  She had had a marriage with a closet homosexual and is quite conservative. Her initial reaction was denial. But now she is fine and completely accepting of who I am. I guess, it was just a massive shock to the system for her. My brother just shrugged his shoulders and said ‘that’s fine mate, do what you gotta do’.

Did it come as a shock your other mates? 

My friends were brilliant. I was so worried about telling them. Some friends I knew would be fine with it. Other friends who, honestly, I’ve heard some pretty bigoted comments from, who I was very worried about telling, took it incredibly well. I hope it was an eye opener for them.

You were on a football team – how did they deal with it?  

I had actually quit the team shortly before coming out as I needed a while to come to terms with things. I was soon getting messages of love and support from the lads which made me so happy. It was a team I was a part of for ten years, and which I captained for two. I like to think my coming out has had an influence on people’s attitude towards sexuality.

Yes, it takes a moment like this to open people’s eyes. Have they been in touch since?

Some of my best mates played for the same team. I see them regularly and nothing has changed at all. When the conversation turns to tits I just jokingly join in. They take the mickey out of me being gay all the time and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m very self deprecating and love to use humour in many situations.

When you came out did you feel free for the first time?

It took me a while to feel freedom because I couldn’t accept being gay to start with. It almost frustrated me that people didn’t react badly, like it was ‘no big deal’. But for me, it was. It’s amazing how much drama your own thoughts can cause.

How did life change once you were okay about being gay?

I became accepting of it when I learned to be less co-dependent for my happiness. Isolation has actually been a blessing in disguise for me. There’s been no pressure to be a certain way or to go to certain places or have certain friends. They say to find yourself you have to get lost first. I’ve been lost, very lost, for a while now but have managed to find happiness from within since learning to love myself.

You’re a good looking guy – do you feel like gay guys see you for sex and nothing more? 

No, not particularly. I’ve only been gay and single for six  months. And now we are in lockdown so you’ll have to ask me that question again in the future

Have you enjoyed the gay scene?

I’ve been to a few prides since coming out which I have really enjoyed. Such a good vibe at a pride festival. Although I do think some of it is over sexualised. Leave the fetish stuff at home, it’s about celebrating love, not what you do to get off.

Was it a world that you enjoyed or did you ever feel like you didn’t belong? 

It took me a while but now I know more about myself I love the gay scene. Initially it was delving into the unknown and feeling like I had to ‘fit in’. Now I know I don’t have to fit in at all I’m much more comfortable stepping into a gay bar and thinking ‘ok, this isn’t really my scene but let’s have fun anyway’.

Have you got someone in your life now? 

No, I’m well and truly single

Is looking for love a priority?

I got straight into a relationship after coming out and now been single six months. I’m enjoying the single life now so waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet

What kind of boyfriend are you?

Loyal, sweet, committed, annoying and funny. I really want to settle down and have the big house with a husband and lots of dogs. That’s the dream.

What do you look for in a guy? Is it all about looks or do you see past that and look deeper?

Initial attraction has to be there. But if you have a pretty face and an ugly personality, it’s a big no.

Do you believe in monogamy? 

Absolutely. If you love someone, why wouldn’t you? I understand that, in the gay world, it is common to have an open relationship because of reasons such as sexual incompatibility, long distance etc. But I absolutely believe in monogamy

Have you had many meaningful relationships in the past?

Yes, with my girlfriend who I came out to and my first boyfriend. Two amazing, beautiful humans inside and out who I’m so grateful to still be in touch with.

Do you think we can embrace relationships if we haven’t embraced ourselves?

Nope. Rupaul said it all: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else”

Do you think we search people out who we think will make us better people?  

Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot about yourself through your relationships with other people, be it good or bad. Either way you will grow to be better.

You’re a handsome guy. Do you think your looks have opened doors for you? Or do you feel like men have treated you like a slab of meat? 

It’s definitely opened a lot of backdoors.

Naughty!

Jokes. It’s opened doors to the modelling world. Apart from that, I like to think anything of substance has come from my personality

Have you always been happy about the way you look? 

I was very skinny as a teenager. I’d always wear longsleeves to hide my skinny arms. I started working out at age 18 and got addicted to the gym. The only pressure I felt was through my own insecurities

Do you think gay men are obsessed with the body beautiful? 

Yes and I think I’m guilty of that too

A lot of gay men use instagram as a means to boost their self-esteem – do you have a healthy relationship with social media?  

It’s on and off. Occasionally I need a break from social media to just switch off. It can become addictive and it’s not healthy to rely on strangers for validation.

What do you like most about your body?

My legs. I don’t like my feet – but who likes feet?!

Some people might look at your Insta feed and think you’re presenting most men with an unrealistic body image. What do you think about that?

The same as I would feel looking at someone who grew up in poverty showing off their flash car. I’ve worked hard for my body, it’s been a lifelong commitment. It’s only unrealistic if it’s not something you’ve worked hard to achieve.

What would you say to your 12 year old self about the future.

Don’t care about what people ‘might’ think. You do you.

How are you coping during this strange Covid-19 time? 

Isolation has actually been a blessing in disguise for me. I’ve had some much needed me time. I’ve also been very lucky in that I can still work, still workout and, most importantly, my family are safe and well. I miss my friends but if that’s my biggest complaint then I’m a very lucky boy.

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‘I have learned that I would never be satisfied if all I cared about was appearance’

June 15, 2020, 3:19 pm
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Flight attendant AJ DeDiego opens up about the fear of coming out and the difficulties he has with the gay scene!

As most of you know, thumbing through Instagram is what gay guys love to do most of all. After all, its awash with eye-popping images of sexy guys who seem only too keen to show off what God gave them. And who are we to complain, eh? Not us! Cos we thirsty rascals are too busy bashing that ‘like’ symbol or desperately dreaming up a flirty quip to slip into their DMs before we chicken out.

Of course, some guys are so insanely ‘insta perfect’, complete with bulging muscles, pulsating veins and that braindead, blue-steel constipation look that there’s no way in hell we’d go anywhere near them.

Luckily, not all cute insta hunks are self obsessed exhibitionists. Some fellas are actually refreshingly humble guys who acknowledge that while they may have been blessed aesthetically they don’t actually view the world in superficial terms.

Meet the gorgeous AJ DeDiego, a 26 year old furloughed flight attendant from Georgia who has a much healthier outlook online than his online peers. “Body image plays way too big a role in our community, because as much as people will deny the fact, fit bodies have always been the focus,” he tells GuysLikeU.com. “It doesn’t matter how accepting or open minded a person claims to be, if you ask them what their type is, nine times out of ten, they’ll speak about physicality before they speak about emotions. I am definitely guilty of this, but have learned that I would never be satisfied if all I cared about was appearance, which is exactly why I stopped even considering it when I started dating again.”

Dating again, we hear you cry! Well, sorry, boys, don’t get too excited. You see, AJ is sadly no longer on the market as he’s currently paired up with a gorgeous ginger scrumster who goes by the name of Patrick. But never mind, you can still enjoy the dashing dandy as he whips up a storm in his lockdown kitchen on his Insta feed and brand new YouTube channel. You see, since he was grounded by Covid 19, the talented chap has been busy whipping up delicious delights for us all to feast on to keep his mind busy. And gays, girls and everyone else are loving it as he whips up a selection of tasty dishes wearing nothing but a pec-skimming apron. The rascal!

Here, AJ opens up about why it took him some time to finally come out, how his life was thrown into turmoil when his mother remarried and the difficulties he occasionally has with the gay community.

AJ, tell us about what family life was like when you were growing up…

I grew up in a close-knit family. I have three older sisters, so I’m the youngest and the only boy. My sisters always got into fights and I just sat and watched, which was always fun for me. We went to church every Sunday because my mom was pretty religious, however we were never strict or super committed to it. I was always a mama’s boy and remember getting so upset if she was even 10 minutes late picking me up from school. Once I was in middle school, my parents divorced which was very tough.

Wow. What kind of little boy were you?

As a child I had a very active imagination and loved building rollercoasters with K’nex sets. I took piano lessons in elementary school and had a lot of feminine influence since I grew up with three older sisters. I loved Britney Spears and the Spice Girls because that’s what my sisters listened to. I had tons of female friends growing up even though my dad put me through boy scouts, which I initially liked. However, I grew to hate it because – let’s face it – I just didn’t want to go camping. I was scared of bugs and anything that could hurt me in the woods, so much so that there was one night at summer camp that I was awake the entire night with a flashlight making sure no spiders were coming in my tent.

Awwww, bless you! So when did you realise you were gay? 

I started to find guys attractive probably in junior year of high school, but I thought it was just a phase that I would grow out of, so I tried having girlfriends just to further prove to myself that I was “normal”.

What made you fight these feelings?

I was in denial but as time went on, I suspected that I might be different because aside from my hormones going crazy with my peak years of puberty, I found myself very sexually attracted to a number of guys I went to high school with.. Then when senior year came around, I knew it wasn’t a phase and told myself I was bisexual. This way there was the possibility of me still marrying a woman and not disappointing my family.

Why were you worried about your family?

I thought my family wouldn’t accept, it, especially my dad. They had made comments or remarks against LGBT people that had me very worried to ever tell them. I knew my dad wouldn’t be comfortable with it, and I was very unsure about how my mom would take it. I rely so heavily on my parents that I would do anything to keep them as a part of my life.

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Skydiving part 4, with sister

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So who were you able to tell first?  

I told most of my friends senior year of high school, but the first family member I told was my sister Christina. The only reason I told her was because I was at my dad’s house while he was out of town and she came over and saw hickies all over my neck. She kept asking me what ‘her’ name was, and I didn’t say anything. I eventually just muttered ‘it was a guy’. She then told me ‘it’s ok AJ I’ve known for a while’ and I was just shocked that she hadn’t said something before because I went to such great efforts to hide it.

So when did you brave it and tell your mum and dad?

When it comes to the family as a whole, it was a long work in progress. I didn’t tell my mom until I was 19 and was visiting her in the Outer Banks one summer. I told her I was bi and she wasn’t really upset, just shocked, and then had all these questions about what I had done with guys and if I still liked girls. Over time, my mom and sister Christina have become easily the most accepting and open-minded people I have ever known, and I have never since been afraid to just be myself around them.

And your dad?

My dad was the person I feared the most because I relied on him financially for a very long time and was scared he may not support me. My uncle on my dad’s side is also gay, and one night he and I had a long chat about the family dynamic and how my dad’s side felt about this sort of situation. My uncle married a woman purely to cover up the fact that he was gay, and the wife even knew about it. She agreed to help him because at the time, and given his family and place, being gay wasn’t openly accepted. He told me that on his wedding day, my grandfather put his hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear, “just do what you need to do”. He knew the whole time, without ever having a formal conversation about it. My uncle told me that dad is a like a clone of my grandfather in the sense that I will never need to sit down and have the conversation with my dad.

Wow, that must have felt good to know.

To this day, I have never said the words I’m gay to my dad, because since that conversation with my uncle, I knew I never had to.

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1 day until beach time

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Has your relationship changed over the years?

In recent years, I’ve acted more and more like my true self around, and my relationship has only gotten stronger. My dad turns out to be a very understanding person who has his points of view, just as we all do, and sometimes I consider his comfort and happiness so that I can feel happy too.

Has he met guys who have come into your life?

I have brought two boyfriends of mine to my dad’s house before and was surprised that he treated us so well. I know he’ll never treat me poorly because he doesn’t have it in him to treat one of his own children disrespectfully, which is something I admire to very much about him. My other sister’s took time to eventually become comfortable, but now, they treat it like normal life, and even told me I could bring dates to their weddings. Now, I could not be happier to say that I am extremely close with everyone my family just being me and knowing they accept it.

That’s great! All’s well that ends well, eh? What was school like? 

Life at school really wasn’t bad. I had friends, not tons of them, but I liked hanging out with the friends I had because we always had a good time. I was in band in both middle and high school so most of my friends were band people. We were like a family and it was very comforting because many of them were in the closet too, so we went through this together. I luckily was never bullied which to this day I am still very grateful for, knowing how much it occurs and how powerless it can leave you feeling.

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❤

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So you kept your sexuality quiet then?

I hid my sexuality at school around the people I feared would judge me, but with my friends, I didn’t have to hide anything. They all supported it, and like I said, many of them were going through the same thing. The town I lived in was religious but not extremely so, but I do recall many of my friends saying their parents would have been very upset if their child turned out gay.

You mentioned during school, your mum divorced your father.

Yes, my mom remarried a closet alcoholic who tore my family apart and I quickly had to rely on myself for emotional support and strength. This is when I started becoming passionate about food and cooking because it provided comfort in a dark time in my life.

What happened?

When I was in high school my sisters stopped talking to mum because of who she married. I suffered from depression, mainly because I felt like I didn’t have one family anymore. Everyone was split up and not talking, so I felt very alone. This is when I started keeping a journal, and baking, to give myself something to look forward and be proud of so that I could forget about what was going on every day. This is how I dealt with it for many years until my family eventually started growing back together.

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I DID IT!

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So when did you finally let the world now that you were gay?

I was in college when I came out properly, however I did not feel like I was part of the community and scene until I turned 21 and started going out to clubs and bars. The gay community was certainly  fun, but over the years, I feel like it’s a total mess as so many people have different opinions and smaller groups of people who define community in their own way. I at least felt like I belonged, because there were so many others I could talk to.

When you were happy and out did you go on the hunt for love?

I would definitely say looking for love was always a priority for me. Even in my reckless days of partying until 6am and hooking up with people, the one thing I always wanted was to be with someone. I just found myself constantly disappointed by the people I tried dating. Sadly, their idea of dating or their priorities just didn’t match up with the type of person, I saw myself with. So for a while, I would jump from one person to the next and find myself over them within a couple weeks, because I just wasn’t drawn to them or I didn’t feel anything keeping me there.

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Queer under a pier .

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So you were finding it hard to pin down Mr Right.

For a while, I stopped dating altogether after my first significant relationship ended. This is when I would say I was part of the ‘in crowd’ partying every weekend with the same large group of people who valued a gym more than they valued a relationship. The superficial nature of so many people in our community disappoints me to this day, but like I say, everyone has their own idea of how they can be happy, and if that’s their way. I will say nothing bad about it.

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Thursgay

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You’re dating a super cute guy called Patrick. Do you consider yourself to be a good boyfriend?

I am the kind of boyfriend who cares very deeply about the happiness and well-being of whoever I am with. I really am not happy unless my boyfriend is, because to me, you can’t expect to last a long time if you don’t know how to make each other happy, even on your worst days.

And what do you look for in a guy?

I have always looked for someone who not only knows how to commit to me and his own life, but I also really want him to be himself and not feel like he needs to put on a show around his friends to seem cool. I have never valued looks or anything physical over the emotional aspects of a person, because in the long run, happiness comes first, and happiness is definitely more complex than just a set of muscles.

Good to hear!

In my opinion, being with someone isn’t just about sex, or only about commitment, or companionship, it’s about all of them combined and balancing all of it. I do think sex is important in a relationship, especially considering I am a monogamy-oriented person. I know many couples who are open or polygamous and while I don’t look down on that, I do feel a little sad when people say that sex is just sex and shouldn’t matter that much, justifying them to play around with other people.

That’s an interesting view of it. Do you know many guys who live like that?

Many of my friends currently do this and I will always support what my friends do and how they want to define their own relationships, because I believe that there isn’t one definition of a relationship. There are many types that everyone defines in their own ways, catering to their own personal lives and making them happy. Everyone deserves to be happy, so I will always believe that each relationship is different and can be defined however the person sees fit.

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Flower child

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Do you think a lot of people view relationships as a way of completing themselves?

I think a lot of us search for that person who brings out the best in us. We all have insecurities and things we’d change, but when you find that person, those things go away, because that person tells you on a daily basis how special you are.I think if you can’t embrace yourself, you can’t expect to be happy in a relationship. You need to know yourself and what you want and what makes you happy before you can expect to make someone else happy. If you don’t know what you want, how do you expect to even find the right person for you?

You’re a good looking guy – do you think they have opened doors for you?

I will admit that they have, because as much as I hate to admit it, especially with social media, people pay attention to things they enjoy looking at. This can really go to people’s head and create a false sense of reality, making them feel like you have to look a certain way to be accepted or to get attention. Let’s face it, we all want attention in some way or another, but when you see a guy with killer abs getting thousands of likes on a picture, and you post a picture of only your face because you’re insecure about your  body, you feel like you’ll never be ‘one of them’.

Tell us about it!

I felt this way for quite a while. I noticed that once I started working out, I not only felt more confident, but I wanted to share it with everyone because I never felt comfortable with my appearance.

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Fall realness

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But do you think gay guys focus too much on taut perfect bods?

Body image plays way too big a role in our community, because as much as people will deny the fact, fit bodies have always been the focus. It doesn’t matter how accepting or open minded a person claims to be, nine times out of ten, if you ask them what their type is, they’ll speak physically before they speak emotionally. I am definitely guilty of this but have learned that I would never be satisfied if all I cared about was appearance, which is exactly why I stopped even considering it when I started dating again.

Well, it’s good to be aware of that.

This is when I found myself happier than ever. People always look for the next best thing, or the prettiest thing that comes across their screen, and they go after it because they want to look a certain way. So many of us use social media in this way to try and become a “somebody”, even if we aren’t showcasing any form of talent. Bodies became our talent, and now more than ever, we need to realize that posting thirst trap selfies on Instagram does in no way make you a public figure.

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Cloud of thoughts.

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Amen! Well, you have a fabulous and rather tasty talent… Baking… 

I am a flight attendant who is currently furloughed from work. I have had strong interest and passion for baking since I was a child, and in recent years have launched a YouTube channel, a website displaying all of my own personal written recipes, amongst other forms of social media showing what I love doing. The thing that got me started with the YouTube was the fact that I was in a period my life where I felt like I had no idea what I was doing with myself.

In what way?

I graduated with a mechanical engineering degree knowing I had no interest in the field. I tried finding a job purely to have an income, but never felt excited about any of the applications I submitted. This is when it clicked my head that even though I was young had a whole life ahead of me, I would never waste even a day doping something I didn’t enjoy. To me, starting young is the best way to ensure a happy and successful life in the long run, which is exactly why I started my channel.

Well you appear to be a whiz in the kitchen. Whats the dream now? 

The dream with baking is to eventually publish a cookbook not only with my recipes, but my story of how someone can feel so lost and clueless as to what they’re doing with their life, but they eventually remember what they love and just go with it, not matter how big the risk.

That idea is great! 

I hope someday my YouTube becomes successful enough for me to earn income on it, because all I want to is to make someone’s day better by teaching them something they didn’t know before, making them laugh with a dumb joke, or helping discover their own path in life, because it doesn’t matter how old you are or where you come from, everyone has the chance to do what they love.

You sound like a good guy! How has this period time been for you?

During this time of isolation and pandemic, I not only have been out of work, I have learned so much about myself and others. True colors have definitely shown, and our priorities have definitely changed. I luckily do not get bothered by being alone or having extended amounts of alone time, because I find that I am most productive during those times. I will say though that I have learned what I actually need to just be happy. There are so many little things we took for granted before that we never even thought about, but now, we realize a lot of those things, we don’t even need, we just want. Life is full of wants, but once you realize what out of those wants are actually needs, you almost redefine yourself, and can have a better understanding on what your life actually needs to be a good one. I am proud to say now more than ever, I know exactly what I both want and need, and have all of it, fundamentally at least. We will all come out of this differently.

You live in Atlanta… There have been a little unrest since the murder of George Flynn. How is it there?

Atlanta has definitely been in turmoil for a couple weeks regarding the black lives matter movement, which I also strongly support. I remember the first couple days of protests. It was frightening to see news images of cars being set on fire and windows of stores being broken and realizing this was my city. I understood the outrage of the situation but it was surreal to see all of this taking place. My boyfriend and I took part in a protest as well as donated to charities and signed a variety of petitions to try and do what we could. Things have started to calm down again and there are still peaceful protests happening to this day, which is encouraging to see and be a part of. 
Finally, what would you say to your twelve year old self?

Life can be brutal at times, but that’s when you have to grab it, run with it, and just be yourself, and let the world know who you are and what love, and never apologize for it.

Check out AJ’s yummy recipes HERE

 

The post ‘I have learned that I would never be satisfied if all I cared about was appearance’ appeared first on Guys Like U.

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